Hills and Halfs

There is nothing quite like running up a big hill to make you question your life choices. Who chose this route? What kind of idiot sticks in a massive incline just after the start of a run? Who plans a run which finishes up a massive hill when I am already knackered? However, when the answer to all of these questions is me, then perhaps there is something else going on. And for the record, no I am no some kind of secret masochist.

I would like to say that I am a few solid weeks into a great training plan ahead of a half marathon race in three weeks time, but the preparation for the race has not been smooth and as a consequence I am trying to catch up. This does not mean that I am chasing missing miles or anything like that, I am just trying to get my long runs done as I planned them, even if I am not as fit as I would like to be at this point.

“slogging through things”

Having had to have a few days off running last weekend having had a dental procedure, this week was always going to be about just slogging through things. Thankfully the toothache has now eased and any pain I suffer when I run is purely in the rest of my body, but it does not make things any easier. The lack of consistency in my training in recent weeks – or as I wrote about last week really throughout the whole year – means that, rather than gradually building towards a distance, I feel like I am constantly taking one step forward and two steps back.

A good example of that would be my regular plan to run a half marathon distance every month. While my usual weekend running would be around a 10k or so, the week before the half, I would aim to run perhaps nine or ten miles, which would be solid enough to remind my body how hard the extra distance would be, and it would also set me up to think that just adding an extra few miles onto the end of that would be achievable.

“a run which is very tough indeed”

What has happened lately is that I am not getting in that kind of distance before attempting the half, so that I would go from running perhaps five or six miles, straight up to more than double that distance. And that is not easy. My body – and to be frank, my mind – needs to come to terms with the challenge that I am about to put it through. And if it is not quite ready for that, then the outcome is a run which is very tough indeed.

That was certainly the case this week. I ran five and a half miles with my jogscotland group on Thursday, then it was back to the half marathon route I had planned to run with my friend Jeanette last weekend. As the race I am doing in a few weeks is – to use polite parlance – undulating (which most runners know is code for a route which is like climbing a steep mountain with no crampons or ropes), the route I had planned factored in some challenging climbs. Hence my statement at the start about what kind of idiot plans a route like that. This is why I planned a route like that.

A couple of lumpy parts added to the fun…

So with this type of elevation in the plan, my friend Jeanette and I set off on the run. There is no way to sugar coat any of this, the hill at about three miles and the hill at the end were just going to be really hard. They just were. Full on, big climb, there is only one aim in mind and that is just to get up and over it. It was never going to be pretty. It was never going to feel good. It was just going to be a hard slog. And so it was.

This is where resilience comes in. This is where it is about focusing on achievable goals. The next set of lights. A lampost further up the road. A junction. Something to break up the misery of thinking “how the hell am I going to reach the top of this?”. Something to distract from the top of the hill which remains out of sight for quite a bit of the hill itself. This has been a technique I have used really since I started running, and one I encourage anyone in my running group to follow. It is about resolving in your mind to achieve small things, because the accumulation of those small things results in a big thing. Getting up the hill.

“get the chance to recover”

The other thing to consider in hills is that the elevation within the hill is often variable. Some parts are steeper than others. For the first big hill of this route, the steepest part comes at the start. So for this one, for me, there is a big boost which comes when you know that you are past the toughest part. Things will still be hard to get up the rest of it, but you know the absolute worst bit of it is behind you and your body has coped with that, so you know it can cope with the rest of it, challenging as it may be. And then of course, not all of the route is uphill. Once you get up the hill you get the chance to recover just by keeping going.

Not all of the run was on a big hill, with Jeanette about seven miles in

For the second hill, unfortunately, it has a steep part at the start and remains pretty consistentely steep other than a small part about two thirds throug, before becoming steep again with the steepest part right at the end. This is very challenging and I was ready to bail before I got to the top, so thanks to Jeanette for keeping me going to get all the way up to the end to achieve the half marathon distance.

But it is also as well that I mention that my preparation for the race was less than ideal. Mainly because the night before was the first match of the European Football championships where Scotland played Germany. And I watched it at a beer festival with my brother and a friend, and a few hundred others.

Me, John and my brother Gary at the festival

So who knew that a few half pints of beer before a big run might have an impact on performance, eh? The point here is that I knew that this would make the run tough, but as a hobby runner, I was not going to turn down the chance of a great night with friends and family. I was going to enjoy myself, and then put up with the consequences afterwards. It was not a particularly late night, and I was mindful of what was ahead (I had a lot of water when I got home and drank a lot during the run). But I can assure you, I will not be doing this the night before the race itself. I will save the beer for the celebration afterwards.

The plan next weekend then would be another half, and again, a hilly one, but a different route this time so I can enjoy the misery of other climbs and different scenery. Once again, my midweek running will be disrupted as I am traveling for work, but I will be taking my stuff with me and should get a few miles in while I am away. And then the same idiot who planned the route from yesterday will get another chance to tell himself what an idiot he is for heading up another side of a mountain….

Stop and start

Finding consistency in running – whether I am training for an event or not – is something I really look for. So far this year, it has been an elusive quality. Every time I seem to feel like I am making a bit of progress, something comes along to get in the way. This week has been another example of that. Frustrating? Yes. But I hope this time it is a very short-term thing.

My plan this week had been to run with my JogScotland group a couple of times during the week, and then get back to a long weekend run, with a half marathon distance run with one of my friends. The initial part of all of that went to plan. Two nice JogScotland runs all done, and I began to plan my route for the Saturday half.

“this would be hard going”

I have a half marathon race coming up in four weeks time, and I know that the first half of the race is hilly, so I deliberately planned a testing route with a few climbs within it. I have been really struggling with hills for months now, so I knew that this would be hard going, but good preparation for the race itself. As the second half of the race is predominantly downhill, my big focus was going to be on getting through those hilly early stages.

But then Friday happened, where I had to have some dental work done, and at the conclusion of it, my dentist told me that I should avoid physical activity for a few days. At the back of my mind I thought, “should I mention that I run or just leave it?”, but I posed the question about running and he said that that was a total non-starter for a few days. I am not sure what I was more disappointed about, having the dental procedure to start the day, or being told not to run. Either way, it was a pretty bitter pill to swallow. I had the pain from the dentist, then the lingering pain of not being able to run added on top.

“I have had to do it almost despite myself”

This kind of thing really does seem to sum up how things have gone this year. Though I need to appreciated that I have achieved a lot, I have had to do it almost despite myself. Illness through the early part of the year disrupted the ultra training. Then there was the injury in my thigh I picked up. And while generally I ignore the weather, the poor Spring and now early summer has not exactly been conducive to encouraging my out the door. Going back to October last year when I hurt my ankle in the Bennachie Ultra Trail race, and I was out for a number of weeks, it does feel like a long time since I had a clear spell with no issues.

I know in the grand scheme of things, this a temporary issue, and I should be back running by the end of the week – so my plans are not cancelled, they are merely postponed – but it is frustrating. Healthwise, I am totally fine, this is only a minor setback, and it is for my long term health so I have to accept it for what it is.

One positive about Friday morning was, pior to the dental appointment, I had an hour or so to kill after dropping my wife off at work, so I made good use of the time to go for nice long walk, mostly to take my mind off what was ahead!! The walk took me along the banks of the River Dee, then up into Duthie Park before a short spell on the old Deeside Railway line. This spell in the part and the line was the start and finish of the ultra route. I can tell you, it was a heck of a lot easier walking along it on Friday than it was attempting to run after thirty three miles!! But at least it did bring back some memories from an amazing day,which if you are interested about, you can read here.

The sight of the old platforms in particular really brought back thoughts of those final few miles; clocking off each old station in turn, perhaps seeing them in the distance and running to them, or getting to them while walking and running through them, all the while just chipping off a bit more from the overall distance. Still cannot believe I managed it to be honest.

Talking of positives, one bit of good news I did get this week was that I received my new Running Leadership in Fitness coaching license, enabling me to continue leading our JogScotland groups for another three years. I did the various tasks needed to renew the license a couple of months ago, but had not received my updated license to replace my one which expired at the start of the month.

My updated license from Scottish Athletics

Giving something back to the club which helped me so much has been, without a doubt, one of the most positive things I have done in recent years. To be able, hopefully, to help and encourage others in their own running journey and perhaps inspire them to achieve something they never thought possible, gives me an enormous amount of pleasure. And it is great that I will be able to do that for another three years at least. Wit this kind of volunteering, maybe I can make a difference to some people’s lives, in a small way at least.

Trying to stay positive then, dealing with yet another stumble along the way, but no more than a minor stumble this time, and at least the week ended with a bit of positivity. I should be back running towards the end of this week, so now the half marathon run is planned for next weekend. A good few days then to gird myself ahead of those challenging hills to come.

In the Long Run

There is just something about this race photo that I really like. Normally race photos capture me at my worst – a boiling, sweaty mess who looks like he might die if he takes another step, rather than the image I have in my head of me majestically glidng towards the finish line with a stride as fluid as an Olympic gold medallist in their prime.

But this one, while you could easily argue does not exactly capture me at my best, it does resonate with me. It is the moment I crossed the finish line at the Barra 10k last weekend, a race where I was just so relieved for it to finally be over. And I think that is what I like so much about it.

To me it shows many things. Joy at completing the event. Pain because it was very hard, but knowing that that pain will not last. A sense of achievement at another 10k done. It is also a bit of a study in the emotion of racing; the effort, the determination, the willingness to push on, and the reality of what it is like when it is very tough. I also like that it picks out the detail with the sun shining on my wedding ring, and the way I am framed against the sky.

That finish line feeling

I realise that racing is not for everyone – and even for me these days I am no longer obsessed about times or pace, I just want to enjoy myself and do my best. But there is something special about a race day, and being fortunate enough to be well and healthy enough to do them, that shoud never be taken for granted. We never know what is around the corner, so while I could easily argue that I did not particularly enoy the race because I found it very hard, I am immensely grateful to have had the chance to do it. And maybe that it is also captured in this image – gratitude that I was even on the start line at all.

That being said, I have also been lucky enough this week to get a couple of longer training runs in, and they have really confirmed how much I enjoy those types of runs, especially when it is with friends.

“keep my endurance running up and consistent”

It was a holiday Monday for me, so I scheduled in a half marathon distance run with my friends Susan and Maxine. Susan could not do the full distance but Maxine and I managed it. I am still managing to keep up with my plan to run a half marathon distance every month, which I find a great way to keep my endurance running up and consistent. To have that target, even if it is not a race, keeps me a bit more focused than I think I would be if I had nothing to aim for. It also means, that when it comes to formally training for an event, I have a solid base from which to work.

With Maxine about nine miles into the run

As it worked out, I actually ended up at fourteen miles, which I was really pleased about. I feel I have a bit of a mental block at half marathon distance, so going beyond that, and still feeling fine at the end of it was a big confidence boost. Coming only a couple of days after feeling so rubbish at the 10k event, it really helped me get over how hard that had been.

I did take a few days off after that run. Having run for three consecutive days – 10k, 5k, then 14 miles, I figured that a rest day would be the best idea and it was absolutely the right thing to do. Fitting in rest days – for me anyway – is an important component of my running. Rest days should be seen as part of the running journey, not something which is forced upon you to fit into a training plan. But rest days do not mean doing nothing, so I am trying to a bit more walking to take advantage of any time we get some decent weather, so a nice walk at the beach one evening kept me active. Walking is a seriously underrated form of exercise.

A gorgeous evening at the beach, even if the image does not show the chilly breeze!

Continuing on the theme of longer runs, I did an eight mile run with my friend Jeanette. This run I enjoyed so much because it absolutely zipped by. We had not run together for a while, so we were chatting so much, I barely noticed the miles. This is an ideal kind of run, and one which again emphasises the value of running with friends, someone to talk to and just take your mind off the distance which you are traveling.

With Jeanette running through woods towards the end of the run

The weather is still proving to be pretty inconsistent these days. The pattern of a couple of nice days followed by a few unsettled days seems to have been around forever, so while we should be moving towards the warmest days of the year, it certainly does not really feel like it at the moment. And next week looks like following a similar trajectory.

But as we topple into another month, that means another half to target, and that will be on the agenda next weekend. As I have signed up to a hilly half race in July, I think a bit of hill practice will be factored in, so that it does not come as too big a shock on race day. But I have five weeks to prepare, and my base is already quite solid. I wonder what the finish line photo will look like then?

The Climb

Running is a constant battle between the part of your brain that is telling you to stop and the part of the brain that is urging you to continue. That phrase loomed large for me this weekend.

As I wrote last week, I am struggling to find a bit of confidence in my running these days, and I really cannot seem to rediscover any significant pace. A 10k race then was maybe just what I needed to get things back on track. But this was not any normal 10k event, this was a 10k with an offroad section. And that offroad section was through a field and up a pretty big hill. Less than ideal.

“a bit of a challenge”

I signed up for the Barra 10k, which started and finished in the town of Oldmeldrum in Aberdeenshire, primarily because a friend was doing it, and it was raising money for an excellent charity, Kayleigh’s Wee Stars. I was doing it for the right reasons, but it was going to be a bit of a challenge. That is all fine. I knew what I was getting myself in for – at least I thought I did – so I knew the climb was there. But what a climb it was.

I had had a couple of positive runs during the week with my JogScotland group, so I was feeling a bit better about my running. However, the night before I had a bit of a cough, and on the morning, I did not feel in tip top shape. Before the race started I did a short warm up run, and this was a bit of a warning sign. I did not feel brilliant, but you know, I was there so I was going to race.

After the warm up, with the big hill behind me

As you can probably also tell from the photograph, it was a sunny morning. Ironically, when we had left home it was misty and grey – my ideal kind of running conditions – and I know Scotland in May is definitely not hot when you compare it to other places, but I am not a fan of wam weather running. I just struggle in the heat, so give me a chilly winter/Spring day anytime.

The first mile or so of the race was relatively flat, but then we began to climb. I have done loads of races and runs with climbs in them, and where I live is pretty hilly, so that is not really the issue, but my legs were already feeling heavy when we turned into the field for the climb up to the top of Barra hill. Given the rain we had had during the week, I was wearing trail shoes, but while the ground was uneven – and a bit of dodging cow pats was required – the conditions underfoot were ok. What was more of a problem was the scale of the elevation. Over the course of about a kilometre, it was very steep up. Everyone around me, and including me, was walking. In a 10k race, this is not a normal occurence.

Pretty obvious where the challenging part of the cours was…

A couple of pipers were playing at the top, so as yout got nearer, the tunes came into earshot as I made my way, as fast as I could, up through the field. By the time I got to the top, which bear in mind was only around the three kilometre mark, I was goosed. My legs, which had felt heavy at the start, were now like two lumps of lead I was attempting to lift into action. I dread to think what my heartrate was at this point, and as for breathing? Anyone who has read my blog before will now how I like to settle into a rhythm and focus into a race. My breathing was all over the place. And I still had the nest part of seven kilometres to go.

Through the field we continued, then down onto a road, and then, we began to go back up! Not for long this time because we had not come that far down, but up we went again. Now back on tarmac, my legs began to feel a bit easier, but I was also now very aware that there was no shade and I was heating up.

“I could not settle into any rhythm”

The course then began to head down, and while I took advantage of this – one great tip I got a few years agon about running downhill is to lean forward and allow your weight and momentum to take advantage of gravity to speed up on these sections – I just could not settle into any kind of rythm. I knew then that this would just be a battle to the end.

It is never a good sign in a race when you begin to look for the distance markers; they never come quick enough. Past the six kilometre marker, I then seemed to be running forever while never seeing another sign. Thankfully, I must have just missed the seven kilomtre marker (if there was one) as the next one I saw was at eight kilometre. Just over a mile to go, still going downhil, this should have been a sign to push on. But I was simply wrestling with myself in my head.

“I wanted to stop so badly”

Every step felt grim. I felt grim. I wanted to stop and walk so badly. I did not want to give up, there was no way I was doing that. But I needed a break. I was having an internal battle as hard as any I have had in a race in a long, long time. I felt hot. I felt uncomfortable. I wanted it to be over. But I still had more distance to go.

I reached the final kilometre, again usually a time to push on, and a small hill. I mean, not even a hill, just a little rise. It felt so hard. So tough. This was ridiculous. This was just a 10k. This is the kind of distance I would regard as a bit of a warm up when doing my really long runs. But I did not stop. I did not give up. I fought off the demons telling me to walk. I faced down the mental impulses which were urging me to give my body a break. I kept going.

As I returned to the playing fields where the race had started and could see the finish line, I was just glad that shortly afterewards it would all be over. I could not even raise a sprint to the line. I was done. But it was done. I had done it. I had finished. Running in a race is about battling with others, it is aboug winning the battle with yourself. In that sense, I had won.

All for a bit of bling

This was my slowest 10km race ever – so you may think that this was hardly the confidence boost I was looking for when it comes to pace. And you are partly correct. It did not feel great in any way, shape or form. But I got through it. And that is the crumb of comfort I am hanging onto after the race.

“mental resilience”

The easy thing to do would have been to give up and stop running. To walk when I wanted to walk in those closing kilometres. But that, for me, would have been worse. That would have had me beating myself up afterwards, questioning why I had been so weak as to do that. (I should also point out here that I am not cricising anyone who walks in races. Race the way you want to.) It was my mental resilience that got me through it, some kind of inner strength (or bloody mindedness depending on your perspective) that drove me on to the finish. So that is the thing to focus on.

And then afterwards I went and enjoyed a really nice lunch with family at a nearby activity centre. Running is supposed to be fun. I may not have had a lot of fun on the course, but as I sat and enjoyed this, I did so knowing that I had achieved what many others could not – to run a 10k race – and for that fact alone, I should be very grateful.

Next steps? Well, really just to plod on. I enjoyed a nice relaxing run with friends the day after the race, and with a half marathon race next on the agenda in around six weeks time, I will be upping my mileage over the coming weeks. I still want to work on my pace, but definitely longer distances are what I want to return to as we head through June.

And that internal battle to continue will once again be faced many more times. It is always worth remembering that, as runners, we do hard things.

The (Deep) Heat is on

Confidence is ephemeral. It can disappear quickly, and it can then be a struggle to find it once more. That is certainly how I feel right now about my ability to run quickly.

Rewind three weeks – thanks if you have noticed I have not written a blog during that period – and I was taking out the six mile group at my local jogscotland club. Things were going well, though I have to confess I was nervous beforehand about taking the group out as I had not run with them for a while and they had been flying in previous weeks.

“felt like I had been stabbed”

I began to feel a bit of tightness in my left thigh – front and back – about three miles in, but felt that this would pass as pains during runs often do. They flare up briefly but then die away and things continue as normal. This was pretty much the case, but as we past four miles and began to head towards a trail section, I felt like I had been stabbed in the back of my thigh, as this searing hot pain shot through it. It was as if a poker had been jabbed in, not right in the middle, but to the side, just above the back of my knee.

I shuffled on for a bit, but it was pretty obvious that I could not continue, so as we got to five miles I had to bail out. Walking was a struggle, and after I made it back to where my car was parked, driving home was agony while changing gears. It was clear something had gone pop in my leg.

The run was cut short about a mile from where I should have ended

At home and in pain, the next few days were a combination of ice packs on the back of my thigh and Deep Heat treatment. Some people suggested going to a physio but I thought I would let it settle down a bit before deciding what my next move would be. But running was definitely out – regardless of the pace – and in those first few days walking was pretty painful. In fact, even lying down was painful if I had to move my leg to turn over for example.

“had I been pushing too hard?”

So a combination of no running and not really walking much gives you lots of time to think about what’s gone wrong. Had I been pushing too hard? Had I taken on something which was beyond my current capabilities? Should I really be trying to run at that pace? And so on. In a vacuum, it is easy for negatives to spread, and with no evidence to counter what I was thinking, it was a bit of a downward spiral when it came to how I was feeling about my running.

The house did stink of this stuff for a few days

On the positive side, after about a week of virtually no actitivity, things began to improve. What I had feared might have been a long term injury was now looking much more like a strain as opposed to a tear or a pulled hamstring (which was my initial concern). So that was good, but then it was about coming back and starting to run again. Worried that I might be coming back too early, I went for a few walks in the nicer weather and that gave me some belief at least that things were returning to normal. No pain during the walk and, probably more importantly, no pain afterwards.

“I am left with lots of doubts”

All good then? Well yes and no. I am now back running, and feel no ill effects from the injury, which is great. But I am left with lots of doubts about by running abilities. I recognise that you might think this is a bit mad coming from a guy who has run every distance from 5k to an ultra, but it is true. Can I run quick again? This is not about setting new PBs or anything like that. This is just about can I run regularly at a pace I feel comfortable with, and one that I feel is suitably challenging for me.

Probably what sits at the back of all of this is that, right before the injury (in fact on the same day that it happened), I had signed up for a couple of races. I have a 10k next weekend, a half marathon at the start of July (a very hilly one) and then another half at the end of September (a very flat one). The distances are ones which I have done tons of times before, so it is not about fear of distance. I think it is fear of not achieving what I think I am capable of. Or at least what I was once capable of.

“pace is a very personal thing”

So there is the nub of the issue, it is about my own expectations. Pace is a very personal thing (and yes I know that nobody else cares) and while I am not about PBs these days, I do want to do myself justice. I also know I have put on some weight recently and that is not helping as it makes any kind of running harder than it could be. Now it is just a case of head down, work hard and work my way back to where I want to be.

The injury definitely did not help. It probably came at about the worst time – there is also lots of change going on at work right now, and not being able to go out and run (some time for me on my own) to mitigate some of the pressure from that has also had a impact – and as I have written before, we are a combination of everyting in our lives, not simply one aspect, these things all play a part in how we internalise and feel about ourselves.

This weekend, therefore, I resolved to make a start on the road back. A longer run on Saturday than I have been doing of late with my friend Maxine, including the tough three mile uphill finish, and then a shorter run on Sunday, trying out a new pair of trainers, but with an absolutely brutal uphill section in it. I think I will also return to the hill reps sessions our club does, once I get next weekend’s race out of the way.

No one is going to make the difference except me. I need to push myself if I am going to get back to where I want to be. And fingers crossed, by pushing myself, I can edge some of the confidence back into my running once more. It is not that I am not enjoying my running, I still am, but if I could get back a bit of the belief that I have had in the past, then I feel confident that I would enjoy it more. At least let’s hope so.

The Inspiration Station

Inspiration can take many forms. It can be from someone you know. It can be from someone at work. It can be from something you read or see on TV or social media. Wherever it comes from, it is uplifting and heartwarming. Watching the London Marathon (or any marathon to be honest) is one of those occasions where, in my view, you cannot fail to be inspired.

The performances of the elite runners are incredible to watch, but you always have to bear in mind that this is what they do. This is their job. They train every day, preparing sometimes at altitude and in different countries and training camps with other elite runners to prepare for this one day. While their efforts and times are truly staggering (the men’s world record for the marathon equates to around seventeen seconds for one hundred metres for the entire course!) and it was fabulous to see such a close women’s race in particular, true inspiration, for me at least, comes from the others who compete.

“they dedicated themselves”

Three people I know in real life and a load of other runners who I know through social media were lucky enough to run the London Marathon, and it is undoubtedly their performances which I find most inspiring. It does not matter what time they take to get round. It does not matter whether they set a PB or note. What matters is that they dedicated themselves to take on such an incredible challenge and succeeded. That is truly inspiring.

It is very easy to watch something like the London Marathon and to watch thousands of people doing it and think, “well it cannot be that difficult, look at all of those folk of all ages, shapes and sizes, who are doing it”. If you ever do think that, and you have not run a marathon before, I would suggest that you get in your car, set the milometer on the car to zero and just drive twenty six point two miles from your house. I can almost guarantee you that will be amazed at just how far you go before you reach that distance. And then imagine running it. It will give you a different sort of respect for anyone who runs that distance.

The fact that we tend to drive everywhere, I think, gives people a slightly distorted view of distance. One mile is, in fact, a pretty long way. I once saw a quiz question where people were asked how wide Manhattan Island in New York is. The answer is two miles, but people, even those who had been there, were staggered at that. They had all assumed it was much further, because they had done a lot of walking when they were there.

“running is hard”

And so, while people running the marathon distance is inspiring, this should also extend, frankly, to people who run any distance at all. Because running is hard. Running a mile is hard. Running 5k (3.1miles) is hard. A lot of people I know, because we run a lot, will say (me included), “I’m just going out for a 10k”, or “it’s only a half”. This underplays and undersells the achievement of those distances, and I think it is really important to reflect on all of that.

It is too easy to dismiss a run like this

The distances which we run are all relative and based on our experience and previous achievements. And it can become blase to say the things I just mentioned. But we should never forget that every runner starts somewhere. And therefore, while we may downplay what we achieve, we should always recognise and appreciate the effort it has taken to get there. Because the other thing is, while we may not realise it, our efforts may inspire others.

I have friends who started running because they saw how I had changed my life. People have told me they resolved to run a 5k, 10k, or a half, or a marathon, because they knew that I had done it and they thought, “well if he can why can’t I?”. In fact one of my friends has gone into the ballot for the London Marathon next year. He has never run a marathon before, and he told me “If not now, when? If not me, who?”, which is one of my favourite inspirational quotes. And yes, if you are wondering, I am back in the ballot too, fully expecting my annual kick in the teeth come July.

I never set out to inspire anyone. I did not start running thinking, “oh yes, I shall achieve these things and my friends will all follow in my footsteps”. I never, for a second, thought anything like that. I just wanted to make a positive change in my life, and am extremely thankful that I did, but if by doing so I have influenced some others to make a positive choice about their health and wellbeing then that is great.

One of the reasons why I decided to become a jogleader with jogscotland a few years back, to pay back something to others who had helped me in my running journey, and this week I got confirmation that my licence will be renewed for another three years – I had to do a renewal course online – so I should be able to continue to help others who want to make a difference to their lives.

“I am still struggling”

I wrote a few weeks back about my hope to find some consistency in my running, but this is something I am still struggling a bit to find. Work has been pretty full on, so I have not really been able to get back into a happy routine, and that looks likely to continue over at least the next few weeks, so I just need to be patient and enjoy the runs when I manage to fit them in.

That is why it is so important to value the time I do get running, particularly with friends like Susan and Maxine, whom I was out with for a very early 10k this weekend, as this was the only point in the day where I could fit in the run. This was another good reminder to be thankful of time together, even if the rain did come on just as we started, but if life gives you rain, then you need to find rainbows. And we did.

With Susan and Maxine on our early run

Returning to my theme of inspiration and the joy of watching so many people achieve something they never thought possible last weekend at the London Marathon. I firmly believe we are all more capable than we think we are and can achieve far more than we think we can. If you watched the London Marathon and thought, “I could never do that”, trust me, you can. Be inspired. Take on challenges. Do things which scare you. Use the inspiration of others to achieve great things. As the voice says in my favourite film, Field of Dreams, “Go the distance”. You can do it.

What Happens in Vegas….

Travel used to be a defining characteristic of my working life. For more than a decade, I would routinely fly almost every week to various parts of the world for my job. Initially, this led to an unhealthy lifestyle of overindulgence, but then it became an opportunity to explore the places I visited as I would get out and run. This week was a return to those days.

I flew out to Las Vegas to attend a trade show, and while work is important and I would be spending the vast majority of my day on the show floor, this was going to be another chance to run with friends and one that I was not going to miss.

I have been fortunate enough to visit the city in Nevada quite a few times before, so it perhaps does not have quite the allure of a place which you go to for the first time. The sights on the Las Vegas strip are really not quite like anything else you see anywhere else so once I knew where I was going to be staying, then it was a case of planning some 5k routes so at least I would get out and about, though one of our routes would take a rather unexpected turn, but more of that later.

“this was going to need to be an early run”

Quite a few colleagues from my company were also coming to the show, so we began to work out who would be up for a run, and, importantly, at what time. With work commitments from 9am, this was going to need to be an early run. But we had jetlag to thank for making sure we were up at 4am almost every day, though as it was still dark, even that was a bit too early.

But it was shortly after 6am on the first day after I arrived that I met up with my friend Anna in the hotel, and we went out for an early morning run. Like many of my colleagues, it is rare to see them in real life, so it was great to get out with her and also enjoy the cool temperatures at that time of the morning. Social running like this is not about any kind of pace, it is just about enjoying the company and the sights, plus a chance to see daylight before spending most of the day indoors at work!.

Out for a run with Anna on the Vegas strip

Running has become such an important part of my life, as a way for me to find balance between the daily stresses and a chance to relax. I do not know why, but for some reason I found this week pretty stressful, so the early morning runs were a good chance to reset and refocus.

More colleagues were arriving, so the following day I ran with two French friends, David and Arnaud, and we made a plan to run from the hotel up to The Sphere. Now if you have not heard of The Sphere in Las Vegas, it is the most bonkers venue you may ever see in your life. It is a giant ball which looks like it is alive, a visual marvel in a city which likes the bright lights more than most. It is a concert venue (go google U2 Sphere) and is an extraordinary sight.

With David and Arnaud at The Sphere

Everything in Las Vegas is huge, so this picture underplays just how big this place is. To give you a sense of how crazy it is, this is what it looks like at night, and this is from quite some distance away. Twenty four hours a day, it is always alive with constantly changing colours. God only knows what their electric bill is!

The Sphere at night

But speaking of crazy, the following morning would be a run which would be memorable, but not for anything like the pace, the distance or anything normal. No, this would be strange because of the route we took. Let me explain.

Meeting up just with David this time, he had a very badly chapped lip. Las Vegas is in the middle of the desert so everything is unbelievably dry. Anyway, when we met up he said he wanted to visit a shop in the Wynn Hotel, which was nearby, as he knew he could get some lip balm there. It was close to the hotel we were staying in and was on the route anyway, so this was no big deal. And then we got there.

“Running inside a casino…. and then it got even more bizarre”

We went in an entrance to the hotel and, even though, we were inside, David started running. I mean I know what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but here we were, inside a hotel, in the casino, and we were running. And then it got even more bizarre. We came along to a place where there was a small escalator to go between two levels, but the up escalator was not working. We could not find any stairs, so there was only one thing for it. We had to run up the down escalator – while it was still moving!! So here we were, two blokes in running gear not only casually running around a casino at 6.30 in the morning, but now we were like those contestants in Gladiators trying to get up the Travelator at the end of the obstacle course!!

“we were off again, running past slot machines and roulette wheels”

I was half expecting to be rugby tackled by security at any minute, but as I stumbled off the top of the escalator, we just kept on running. Turning left, turning right, David insisted he knew where the shop was. By this point I was thinking we might never get out of the place. It was like that episode of Father Ted when the priests can’t figure there way out of the lingerie department. But then we turned one corner and sure enough, there was the shop. One lip balm later and we were off again, running past the slot machines and roulette wheels to find our way back out!

Now, you might find this story a bit far-fetched (I mean it is not The Hangover, I realise, but it is a bit unusual), but I have proof. So here is a photo of me and David running through the casino, and the Strava map to prove our route went through the hotel. What a crazy start to the day.

Three days, three different routes, three times to reset the head, enjoy some exercise and spend time with friends doing something we all enjoy. As I really did not sleep well when I was away – maybe that contributed to the stress levels – this was a welcome bit of relaxation. I may not travel anything like as much as I used to, but at least when I do, I make sure to take the chance to explore and stay fit. And better to do it outside rather than in the confines of the hotel gym.

I would have liked to have run again when I was there, but I just did not have time due to work commitments, and then I flew home overnight to enjoy the delights of jet lag on the other side of the Atlantic. To be honest, given how badly I slept in Las Vegas, I have very quickly got back into the routine at home, and got out on Saturday morning for a run with friends here, even if the cooler temperatures were a bit of a shock to the system.

With Susan, Cara and Maxine

The run was also a first chance for me to show off my shirt from the D33 Ultra (spoiler alert for some swearing coming up). It arrived the day I flew out to Las Vegas so I have been itching to put it on ever since. I rather like it and the sentiments it expresses – yes it was the Railway to Hell, but you know, it was a bit epic too.

The race t-shirt from the ultra

All that is left to round off the week is to spend Sunday watching on enviously as thousands of people run the London Marathon. I hope everyone doing it has an amazing experience. My experience this week was a bit extraordinary for sure, but the marathon is a whole other level. David, he of casino running fame, is training for the New York Marathon this year. I need to think if I want to do an autumn race. Maybe the sights of people running London will inspire me to step up once more.

Pace Yourself

Last year my big goal race was in April. This year, my goal race was in March. While it is an enormous sense of achievement to get it done early, it does mean that as we head into peak racing season, I am now jealous of everyone who is now out there getting it done!

April, in many countries, is peak marathon season in particular, with some of the biggest events taking place and we will see that in the next few weeks with Manchester in England, Boston in the USA and the London marathon taking place, and just last weekend we had Paris, Milan, Brighton and more all happening.

“wishing I was also out there with them”

I love seeing people I know complete events – regardless of the distance – and achieve so much through their training and then on the big day itself, but I have to confess it does leave me wishing I was also out there with them. However, I know that I am doing the right thing, for my long term fitness and health, by not attempting to do too much right now.

I wrote last week how I am just trying to get a bit of normality back into my training after pushing myself so hard through the winter to be able to complete my first ultramarathon. It would be very easy, given the amount of fitness I have built up through that period, to keep on pushing, but I do not believe that would be the right thing to do.

“a solid base level from which to build”

That being said, I did go out and run a half marathon distance at the start of last week, just as a training run. One of my goals for last year – and the same for this year – is to run a half marathon every month. This is a great target to have and one which ensures that I maintain a decent level of endurance fitness through the year. It also means that if I do decide to tackle another race, then I have a solid base level from which to build. Not that i am planning another ultramarathon anytime soon (if ever). The half distance was hard, with a long section against the wind coming home, and it did make me wonder how on earth I ran that distance, plus twenty more miles, just a few weeks ago!!

Since completing the D33 event, there has been a load of coverage in the media of some other amazing ultra achievements – from Jasmin Parris and all of the Barkley Marathon finishers to the appropriately name “Tough Geezer” who has just spent the past year running the length of Africa. These are unbelievable achievements for them and I am sure, the culmination of years of effort to get there.

“comparison is the thief of joy”

They certainly put my achievements in the shade, but I am a firm believer in the Theodore Roosevelt quote that “comparison is the thief of joy”, and as such, all of my achievements stand on their own. This is simply because they are my achievements and no one else. I know how much has gone into them. I know how tough they have been for me. I know the sacrifices I have made to achieve them. And as such, no one else knows what I have gone through to reach the various finish lines which I have reached and the joy which these achievements have brought.

It is easy to compare yourself to others – trust me, the reason I am writing this is because over the past few weeks I have looked at these others and thought, “wow, these guys are proper runners” – but this is self defeatist nonsense. Whatever your achievements are, they are the greatest simply because they are yours. This is what I think when I look at my medals on the wall. This is what I think when I look at my book of race bibs. This is what I think when I look back at pictures of me like this.

Before i starting running back in 2016

There is no harm in being proud of anything you have achieved in life, and there is no point in looking around and wishing you had achieved something else just because you see someone else doing it. Far better to be inspired to achieve more by the achievements of others than comparing your achievements to there’s.

This was brought home to me at the weekend when I went to a nearby parkrun to pace thirty six minutes. For me, at my current level of fitness, thirty six minutes for a 5k parkrun is very easy running, but for others, thirty six minutes is a goal they are aiming to achieve, so I am happy to try anything I can to encourage someone to get to that time.

“encouraged her to push to the finish”

In the event, I ran most of the second half of the race with a young woman who was doing the parkrun as part of her first ever attempt to run 10k. As we ran she also told me she had signed up to her first 10k race, and even a half marathon in the summer. We chatted about this on the way round and as we got to the last few hundred yards and I encouraged her to push to the finish, she thanked me for the chat and taking her mind off the run itself.

This what volunteering with running is about for me – whether it is pacing at parkrun or leading at my local jogscotland group. It is about trying to use my experience to encourage others so that they can reach whatever goals they want to set for themselves. And if their goal is to have a nice run and a chat with pals – never mind any racing – then that is good enough. I love the excitement of racing, but I know it is not for everyone. What should be for everyone is finding joy in their achievements, whatever they are.

Over the next few years, yes I will have some FOMO moments. This weekend is the Rotterdam Marathon and the Manchester Marathon, two events I have done in the past. Then there will be the London Marathon, the event I would love to do, and yes I will be entering the ballot once again this year in the faint hope that I manage to get in. But I will also be watching them knowing what I have achieved already this year, and being totally satisfied with that.

Normality

A return to the routine. That is all I am looking for from my running in the next few weeks. Simple stuff. No fuss. No pressure. Running with pals. What could be better?

While I have recovered well from my ultra three weeks ago and feel no ill effects from the race, I am very conscious that I have given my body a bit of a battering since the start of the year, and as I am not getting any younger, I need to just give myself a bit of a break. As an older runner, I know that I cannot continually push my body and go from event to event to event without taking some time out for some recuperation. But this does not mean not running, it just means recalibrating what I am doing.

“the feeling of being a bit lost”

The weeks after a big event can definitely feel like a bit of an anti-climax. The major challenge is over and the target you have been working towards for weeks or months is now gone, so what next? This can lead to post-race blues, and the feeling of being a bit lost, particularly if you have been religiously following a training plan with clear goals, expectation and a huge amount of discipline and routine. With nothing like that to keep you honest and no race to keep you motivated, it can be easy to get a bit lost, lack focus and just drift.

There have been moments after major events where I have gone out and thought, “what is the point of this?”, especially on a cold, dark or wet night but there is an easy answer to that, and it is that running provides me with so many physical and mental benefits. Yes, there are the rewards in the form of medals or t-shirts or whatever, and these are hugely important to me, but it is the sense that I am doing something that, twenty years down the line, will still be giving me something back.

Talking of medals, however, this week a memory popped up on Facebook of my medal collection from five years ago, shortly after I had completed my second marathon. This was the picture.

My medal collection in 2019

Now I was very proud, and rightly so, of my medal collection in 2019, after all I had run two marathons plus a handful of other races and distance challenges. That was what prompted me to get a medal hanger so I could display them easily and have something to look back on, rather than having them hidden in a drawer. They are displayed in my home office. But since then, things have escalated slightly, as this is what my medal collection looks like now.

Things have changed a bit since 2019

I do not want to seem smug by posting this, as in, “hey look at me and all the medals I have got.” That is not what I mean by this at all. What this represents is balanced effort and motivation, and that is why I am showing it. It shows what you can achieve if you bring the right balance between racing and running. I would not have all of these if all I did was go from race to race (though I recognise it might look like this is what I have done!).

After every race, where I may have gone through that down cycle where I think “what is the point?”, I have always found the point again. And that has been through taking it easy for a bit, enjoying social running, getting back to coaching with my local jogscotland group and remembering those benefits which I outlined earlier. It is certainly not about beasting yourself to set a PB every time you go out and run, it is about finding balance in your running to maintain an equilibrium and balance.

“push myself on a short run”

For me, that means getting back to running maybe four times a week. A couple of times with jogscotland, and then a couple of runs over the course of the weekend. This could be with friends or it could be on my own, depending on how things work out. Last weekend, I ran once with friends, and then on the other day on my own and on that day, I tried to push myself on a 10k run, really for the first time in months. In fact, probably the last time I really pushed on a run was one of the races I did in the summer.

My quick run finished at the beach on a blustery morning

I have mentioned before that I would like to work a bit on injecting a bit of pace into my running again, having focused so much in recent months on endurance, so this was a way of testing this out. It was very hard, on quite windy day on a route that took me around Aberdeen beach, and there is no way I could have run at this pace if I was with someone else and attempting to have any kind of conversation, but I kind of guess that was the point. Someone far cleverer than me once said that to run far, run with friends and to run fast, run on your own. That is certainly how it works out for me.

But again it is about balance, so while that run gave me a great deal of satisfaction, there is much more pleasure in running with friends, enjoying (at last) a bit of decent Scottish spring weather and the scenery around the rivers and parks close to where I live, and just finding the joy in that. And if life is about nothing else, then at least it should be about that, enjoying ourselves. We are not here for a long time, we should at least devote some of our energy into making sure that we have a good time along the way.

With my friends Maxine, Susan and Cara

And if that is normal. If that is what regular running looks and feels like. If that is the way to spend quality time, then why not prioritise that? Racing is great – I love a race day and everything that goes with it – but it is not everything. So this is why giving myself a bit of a break from the big stuff, focusing on a bit of pace for a change, but most importantly just enjoying myself with my pals, and some normality, that is what the next few weeks of running looks like to me. And that is more than enough.

That Thinking Feeling

One question from friends which has popped up quite a bit in the wake of running the D33 ultramarathon a couple of weeks ago was this. “Being out there on your own for so long, was it not just really lonely?”. It’s an interesting question, which I am going to try to answer because I think it goes to the heart of long distance running.

I once read the book, “What I talk about, when I talk about running,” by Haruki Murakami, where he recounts his experiences of not just running marathons, but also other endurance events. It is a good read (if you like that sort of thing) and it provided an interesting perspective. For me, this is not so much “What I talk about, when I talk about running”, but more, “what I think about when I am running”. Let me explain.

On my own on the D33 course

The first thing to say is that I think there is a big difference between being lonely and being on your own – for me these are not the same thing. I am more likely to feel lonely if I am on a business trip and in a conference room of people who all seem to know each other and I am wandering about like some kind of lost lemon. That experience of maybe being on your own in busy bar or restaurant, so you are somewhere where there are lots of people, but no one that you know. That is something which is likely to make me feel lonely.

“be kinder and less critical of ourselves”

But that is not the same as being on your own. I lived on my own for around six years before getting married, so I am quite comfortable with my own company. I have written before about the fact that the person you are most likely to spend most time talking to in your life is yourself – so we should be kinder and less critical of ourselves, as we spend a long time in our own head (a lifetime in fact).

So loneliness and being alone are, to me, not the same thing. So the prospect of running on my own for long periods of time is not something that phases me. When I started running – and long before I joined jogscotland – running on my own was what I did ALL the time, and I cannot say I ever felt lonely when doing it.

So now that we have established that, what about the ultra, where for the best part of six hours – apart from a few spells of chatting to people – I was running by myself? Yes I could see people ahead of me for most of it – but not all of it – but this was not like a social Saturday run with pals where you are chatting your way through it. Probably for about eighty percent of the run I was in my own head. So what do I think about when I am running?

On the course, with my own thoughts

The obvious thing to think about is “how am I feeling?”. But that does get a bit boring after a while and if all you are doing is thinking about how you are feeling then there is a real risk that you will begin to think about how tough this is, how bad your legs feel, how heavy your thighs are and so on. So for the most part, I try not to think about that too much – even when I think I feel quite good, part of me is also thinking, “well, yeah, but this is not going to last”.

One thing I do try and do is to deploy distraction techniques, where I at least make an attempt to think about specific things for a while and by doing that the miles just tick by without really concentrating too hard. Now this could be thinking about something related to work, or it could be about thinking of a topic to write about for the blog, or a favourite holiday destination or it could be about looking at a place in the distance and trying to work out where that is. Whatever it is, it is about thinking about something really not related to what I am going through at that moment.

“singing… is a deliberate technique”

And then we move to the, how should I put it, more peculiar things I do. Something I do, quite commonly, is sing in my head. This comes after the counting I do in my head when I start running in an attempt to get into some kind of rather and ignore my Darth Vader-esque asthmatic breathing rhythm. The singing in my head is not by chance, however, it is a deliberate technique.

I used to listen to music when I first started running but now much prefer not to run with headphones in – in fact I cannot recall the last time I did – and be aware of my surroundings. But music is important to me, so in the days building up to the race, when I was working from home, I would play some specific, positive songs, to boost my mindset. This kind of thing is very particular, so the songs or music I like will not be the same as the songs or music anyone else likes, but the technique is the same. Listen to songs that mean something to you, that inspire you, that give you confidence and belief.

There are many which I listen to but I will give two specific examples of songs I listened to in the build up to the ultra and the lyrics of which I sang to myself during the actual race.

The first is, “I won’t back down” by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. It has lots of great, positive lines, but specifically it features these lyrics:

“Well, I know what’s right
I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin’ me around
But I’ll stand my ground
And I won’t back down”

Tom Petty

So for me, there was just no way in my race that I was going to back down. I had been through too much in the training for it. Just listening to that song makes me feel so determined to push on when things get tough.

Another example – and hey, this is an eclectic music mix – was the song “Unstoppable” by Sia. It features these lyrics.

I put my armor on, show you how strong I am. I put my armor on, to show you that I am

I’m unstoppable
I’m a Porsche with no brakes
I’m invincible
Yeah, I win every single game
I’m so powerful
I don’t need batteries to play
I’m so confident
Yeah, I’m unstoppable today

Sia

I have vivid memories of reciting this to myself when I was struggling in the Rotterdam Marathon last year, and so again during the Ultra, this was rolling around my head through those final few miles when things were so tough.

“I am reinforcing all of the belief”

By telling myself I am unstoppable, by telling myself I won’t back down, by reminding myself I’m so powerful, by urging myself that I know what’s right, I am reinforcing all of the belief which my friends had in me being able to complete the race. At a time when I could be the loneliest I have ever been, I am not thinking about being alone, about poor me struggling to run a race, I am thinking about how all of this is getting me to the end. There are lots of other songs I could quote and could use. Find one that speaks to you.

Another technique is to find a mantra, something to say to yourself over and over during the race. Or write something positive on your arm that you can look at to remind yourself of why you are there in the first place. The name of a friend you lost for whom you are doing the race to fundraise for charity. A motivational quote. Something, anything, that will help in that particular moment.

If this sounds all very grand, I also want to tell you that there are times when I am also swearing and cursing – at the wind, at the hills, at the pouring rain and lots of other things – so please do not feel it is all sweetness and light and lovely jolly tunes which are getting me through this, there is one hell of a lot of hard work and effort too.

“nice social runs with friends”

Away from the race, my recovery has continued to go well. I did run a bit of my own this week as I had a business trip to Munich, but I combined that with some nice social runs with friends too in Aberdeen. While a lot of what I have written here may give the impression of being a bit of a loner, I do love running with friends and it has been great to be back out with them having taken the week off after the race.

For now, it is about trying to bring a bit more regularity and normality back to my running after the first few months of the year solely focused on the D33. I signed up to a 10k at the end of May and am beginning to look at other events too. Nothing too serious, nothing which is going to take a massive training load, just something to focus on and to give me my next target to aim for, and maybe during that race I will find myself in a hard moment.

But if I can take yourself out of the moment, to find something to focus on, to locate that bit of inspiration or motivation to get me past the trough of that time, then I can move on and get to that finish line. I won’t back down, and I will find that I am unstoppable today. And any other day as well.