Obsession

Sometimes running can feel like a quest. There is a constant desire to go further, to run faster, to get your heart rate down, to keep pushing yourself ever harder, to challenge yourself in new ways, to compete against others.

It has taken me quite a while to realise it, but in truth, none of that really matters. What matters is that you do your best in the circumstances that face you and you stay happy. Running for me is (or should be) a bit of fun. I very much consider myself to be a hobby runner, and while I want to do well, it is no longer something that I obsess over. That might seem strange coming from someone who, on occasions, runs up to six times a week and has taken on and conquered two marathons, but it is the truth. I hope I am becoming a more relaxed runner.

This has been driven home to me over the course of the last year by running races with friends. Do not misunderstand me, I am amazingly proud of my running achievements, which have totally outstripped any ambition I had when I made the lifestyle choice to lose weight and get fit. But I now see the more significant benefits of not just focusing on my own performance but helping others achieve their own targets.

Last week I was preparing to run the Great Aberdeen Run Half Marathon. As I had written before my preparations have not been ideal so I was going into the race very uncertain about how things would go. Workwise I was in Dublin so I made it out for some short morning runs to keep things ticking over in anticipation of the race itself.

Blue skies and cool temperatures for a training run in Dublin

I had arranged to run the race with some people from the JogScotland group that I run with a couple of times a week, with an ambition of getting under two hours, something I have only done once before.

The last couple of weeks had given me some hope that this would be achievable but you really never can tell how things are going to work out until the day of the race itself. When I woke up on Sunday morning to see bright blue skies, not a cloud in sight and temperatures forecast into the mid twenties centigrade, this did give me pause for thought for how things would go. Living in Aberdeen means being used to running in much cooler temperatures.

” Making the right choices about how you pace the race becomes really critical..”

However, you cannot dictate the conditions for raceday, you just need to adapt to them. Last year for this race it was cool and breezy, in Barcelona for my marathon it was warm and sunny. Making the right choices about how you pace the race becomes really critical when facing conditions you are not really used to.

To get under two hours for a half marathon you need to run splits of around nine minutes ten seconds per mile over the course of the race. The course in Aberdeen is very flat to start with, but contains quite a few hills in the latter stages so you need to bank a bit of time in the opening miles to give you a bit of a buffer for later on.

On Sunday, I met up with the group from JogScotland and the friend I was going to run with. We agreed that whatever happened we would run together, irregardless of the time, but we would give it a go. Her previous best time was around two hours and six minutes so we would try and beat that.

“This was too fast.”

The course had changed slightly from last year, so the first mile was almost entirely downhill. Our time for the first mile? Almost bang on eight minutes. There is banking time for the struggles ahead and there is going off too fast. This was too fast. For the next two miles it was a case of just trying to slow down and by the time we go to three miles we were at a good two hour pace.

But as the race continued we were out in the sun for most of it. There were large parts of the course where there was very little shade and the heat took its toll. In fact, it was possibly the hottest day in Aberdeen this year. At various stages we took walking breaks. We always kept moving but my friend was struggling. She kept telling me to carry on without her, but there was no way that I was going to do that.

“It was about adapting to that goal”

I do have goals for my running, but I have already surpassed every goal I ever set myself. My goal at that point was to make sure we helped each other round and made it to the finish line safely. The two hour goal may have gone, but even with the walking breaks we could still beat her previous time, so for me, it was about adapting to that goal. There is always another race.

What also gave us a real boost was seeing people from the running club out on the course to encourage us on. There was one large hill and there was a large group there, cheering us up those painful yards. You cannot imagine the kind of boost that gives you, when you see friends or family when in a race. It was a wonderful moment at a tough time.

“I can now dig pretty deep when I need to,”

The mental side of running is so important to these kind of challenges. Yes it is a physical challenge, of course it is, but your mind will give up long before your body will. The toughest runs I have had have been the ones where I am constantly fighting that inner battle to keep going. Running in the rain, running in the wind, struggling up hills. All of that comes into play when things are tough in a race. I can now dig pretty deep when I need to, knowing that I have come through it before. But that only comes from experience and you cannot buy, nor teach that. I have a lot of faith in my ability to get through the difficult periods of and just keep going; putting one foot in front of the other.

As we came through those hills towards the end and then around and down to the finish line, it was undoubtedly hard going, but we kept going and I did what I could to encourage her along. We jogged, we walked, we ran and then we were in the finish straight. We could see some of our friends from the running club there as well so that spurred us on and we pushed and we pushed and we got over the finish line. The time? Two hours, four minutes and thirty one seconds. Not the time we wanted when we started but the achievement of finishing the race in those kind of conditions is more than enough for me and it was a pleasure to help her beat her time.

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It is about facing the challenge. It is about knowing that you can overcome it. It is about taking that confidence and building on it. It is about using that experience to inform you the next time you take on a challenge. In every race I have ever done I have learned something about myself. Sunday was no different. I am no longer obsessing about things that are not really important. I am happy with where I am right now.

Hard as Nails

This week really is the tale of a toenail, travels and running toils. On the bright side, I am not going to show you any pictures of the aforementioned nail. On the downside, I really think I have damaged it big time.

After last week’s bit of a fiasco on my return to running after the holiday, this week has been a bit more positive, thankfully. I am still not back to full fitness – some distance away from that – but I am finding a bit more joy in lacing up and getting out and I am very grateful for that. I have also taken things a bit easier this week too, but more on that shortly.

” Running is important to me, but it is not everything.”

Because I have the Aberdeen Half Marathon coming up next weekend, I felt that I needed to get some long, slow miles into my legs. So cutting down the pace, boosting up the distance, trying to restore a bit of confidence was firmly in my mind when I got up early last Sunday morning. When I am training for a race, I always like to get out early and get it done, particularly when it is a long run as I do not want it to impinge on the rest of the day with the family. Running is important to me, but it is not everything.

My Sunday routine therefore is 6am alarm, up for some breakfast of either porridge or granola with some orange juice, back to bed for about half an hour or so, changed and out the door by around 7am. Last weekend I thought I would aim for around eleven or twelve miles, and having watched the weather forecast for strong winds I had figured out a route where I would be downwind for the last few miles of the run. No point in making it harder for myself than it needed to be.

Back to the toenails. One bit of advice I tend to follow is that a few weeks out from a race, I make sure I cut my toenails. Now, even though I did that before my marathon in Barcelona this year, I still ended up with four black toenails from that race. A couple of them were touch and go for a while but over the months since they have all gradually recovered, so much so that I had begun to think my days of bruised toenails were gone. Not so.

” I began to feel a pain in my right foot’s big toe.”

A couple of weird things happened during the run. The first was that the GPS on my phone, which I use with my Fitbit to track my runs, went loopy. It had me running sub-7 minute miles and going far longer than I actually was, really odd, so I discounted this when I noticed it after about six and half miles (I had run the route before which was why I knew it was miles out). The second thing was that at about eight miles I began to feel a pain in my right foot’s big toe. I could feel that it was a pain in the nail, but there was nothing I could do about it, other than get home.

Then when I got home, the full horror unfolded. My nail was already badly bruised when I took off my sock. And my sock was covered in blood. It actually looks like I have cracked my nail along the middle. Two days later, it was still throbbing, and though while it is ok to walk and, subsequently, to run, my hopes of having a black toenail free foot are clearly going to have to go on hold for anothr six months!!

” The mental side of running is so crucial to success,”

The run itself – GPS and toenail apart – was good. It was just what I was needing and began to help restore a bit of belief. I think that was what took such a knock last week, my own belief in my capabilities. The mental side of running is so crucial to success, as much as the physical. Having that resilience when times are tough, knowing that I can run a certain distance or I can run a certain pace, or that if I just keep going the run will get easier really can define how well I feel. I had a bit of the stuffing knocked out of me last week, things are now on the way up I hope.

It is still not perfect, I know that, as the effort to run this week has still been pretty great and it feels difficult to find a rhythm, to get into my breathing routine, to look beyond the next hill or the next sprint and to consider the overall achievement, but it is way better than the negativity that dominated things so much.

” I have nothing to prove to anyone, least of all to myself”

The other thing I have come to realise in recent months too, is that I have nothing to prove to anyone, least of all to myself. My running journey has far exceeded my expectations. To run two marathons, all the other races too, to achieve the times I have achieved, those are the things I need to think about, not the struggles or the tough times. I need to think about this more when I get down.

I spent part of the week in Copenhagen in Denmark, and I was lucky enough to get out and run around the area where I was staying on a cool, summer evening as the sun set. Nice flat run, around the water near the hotel. Again, another boost, though I did feel pretty shattered come the end and I only ran around three miles.

A great evening to run in Copenhagen

The only other run I did this week was with my JogScotland group on Thursday night. This was a quick six and half miles with a two mile hill towards the end. This is always a tough route, but I made it up both the hills without stopping and another step along the way to full fitness was achieved. Having run on my own for so long, this kind of run is so much better to do with other people and I am very grateful to run with a great bunch, who do so much to encourage each other through every run.

To that extent, I am going to run with a couple of the group at the half marathon race and we are going to aim for a sub-2 hour time. This was something I achieved last year, so let’s hope I can do it again. Now you might think this is a bit odd after I said last week that I was taking the time pressure off the dialing back my expectations for the race. A few months ago I was going into this race hoping to get much closer to one hour and fifty minutes, that was the goal and the time pressure. Two hours is still a big challenge, but I know I can do it, having done it before, so in my head the pressure is off from where it could have been, plus we have each other to help push along.

The number has arrived. Got to run now!

Only the three runs this week – no Parkrun as I had some family commitments – with a planned long run on Sunday to build the miles and keep growing those confidence levels. The plan is to run at least part of the half marathon course so I am well prepared for the challenge of next weekend. Let’s just hope all the toenails remain intact….

Struggle

I feel fat and I feel flat. My legs seem like two lumps of lead. It’s Tuesday night and I have gone back to my regular JogScotland running group after being away on holiday. i am finding it difficult to hold a conversation as I run. God, this is tough.

It was not that we were running at a particularly quick pace compared to normal. It was not that the weather was bad. It was not that we were running on unfamiliar terrain either. It was just me. I had a great break, but boy this run was showing me just how far my fitness had dropped away.

The thing is, I really needed a rest. After a hard seven months of training, a marathon, half marathon, various 10ks and multiple 5ks I wanted a break. I felt my body was beginning to break down a bit, there were times I felt under pressure (when I should have been enjoying myself) and there were even times where I began to dread (just a bit) some of my runs. This was not why I got into running a couple of years back.

So when I went off on holiday, I had really no intentions of doing much running at all. Just a few runs here and there to see a bit more of the various places we were visiting. And I made sure I did that. Jet-lag can have that effect on you., When you wake up in a new place and it is daylight, then why not get in a few miles before breakfast and get some extra sightseeing done.

I am not going to labour over where we went, but I was very lucky to get to run in Boston, Dubuque, Las Vegas and Hawaii. I even visited the Field of Dreams (see the featured picture at the top).

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However, that running was also combined with a few weeks of pretty solid eating, drinking and a fair bit of lounging around. Nothing wrong with that – surely that is the whole point of a holiday after all – but now I am struggling to come out the other end. I have put on weight and fear some of my old bad habits are returning. I am now fighting them off.

I think I had gotten used to my running being pretty routine. I would run up to five or even six times a week, easily averaging more than one hundred miles a month (sometimes much more but never really much less) so perhaps it was this taking stuff for granted that has risen up and bitten me this week.

” I thought this would help get me back into the groove. “

After Tuesday night’s bit of a shambles – though I did get through it and I began to feel a bit better later on in the run – I went back out on Thursday, but this time I joined a different group. In only two weeks’ time I am going to be running the Aberdeen Half Marathon, so I was keen to get some longer distances under my belt. The group went out aiming for around eight miles, but at an easier pace than the Tuesday night run, so I thought this would help get me back into the groove.

The firs few miles, however, even although they were flat or downhill still felt like I was running through treacle. I could not shift the feeling that my legs were weighted down, that my breathing was laboured, that every step was almost an ordeal to get through, that I was doubting whether I could make it to the end, knowing that we would have a tough uphil section (as always) to finish.

” I could feel the strength returning to my strides. “

The irony was, it was when we hit the hills for the last couple of miles of the run that I actually began to feel a bit better. It was almost as if the challenge of the hill gave me a lift and I could feel the strength returning to my strides. I ended up running almost bang on nine and a half miles, with the hilly stretch at the end being the part that I enjoyed the most. Weird.

Saturday morning was back to Parkrun at Aberdeen beach. This is almost always a windy run and given how poor the weather had been on Friday, I was rather staggered when I got up and saw it was dry and there was virtually no wind at all. Usually this would be a cue for me to make a PB attempt, taking advantage of the benign conditions but given how I have felt this week, there was no way that was going to happen.

So no heroics but just looking for a solid run, maybe give me a bit more confidence to build on from Thursday night. At the start I looked to see if there was a twenty five minute pacer, and I overheard someone say that there was and that they were going to aim to follow her. Well, off we went but could I see a pacer wearing the distinctive vest with the number on the back? No I could not. So I just followed the guy who I had heard say that there was as I reckoned that he too must be aiming for that kind of time.

When we got to halfway and turned to run back on the course I had never seen anyone who even looked like a pacer, then to my amazement as I came towards the three km mark I suddenly spotted the twenty five minute pacer about fifty metres ahead of me. How i had not seen her earlier will forever remain a mystery. I mean, I know I usually wear glasses byt my eyesight really is not that bad.

” I have now developed a new distraction technique”

Anyway, this proved to be a good target to aim for, though I have now developed a new distraction technique for running b”ack along the stretch of the beach in the second half of the Parkrun. I always used to just look straight ahead, always trying to spot the two parts of the run where there are small dips and then the final part where we turn left for the sprint to the finish. I found with that I was always desperately looking to find these marks and constantly trying to locate them meaning they seemed further away than ever. Now I have started looking at the groynes (no, not that kind) that stretch out from the beach into the sea. Doing that seems to me to make this part of the run a bit shorter than it seemed before.

As I got to within a couple of hundred metres to go, I passed the pacer and maintained my form to dip under the twenty five minute mark at twenty four minutes and fifty seconds. It was by no means easy, and I did think to myself “how the hell have I run this course in twenty three minutes and twenty seconds” given how hard I felt I was working during the run. I guess it all comes down to that slow build up of fitness levels to the point where you can challenge and push youself to achieve more than you have done before.

I certainly do not feel confident about the forthcoming half marathon. Not about doing the distance, that will be fine, but do I think I am in the shape I need to be in to beat my current PB of just under two hours? At this stage, definitely not. But maybe this is a positive thing. While it is good to push hard and to attempt to go faster in races, maybe this is a better time to go into a race with low expectations, see how I feel on the day, and just be happy in my performance, regardless of time. Given how bad I felt on Tuesday night, I think this could be the best approach for me. For this race anyway and perhaps taking that time pressure off will help me in the long run. There is always another race, there is not another me.