Struggle

I feel fat and I feel flat. My legs seem like two lumps of lead. It’s Tuesday night and I have gone back to my regular JogScotland running group after being away on holiday. i am finding it difficult to hold a conversation as I run. God, this is tough.

It was not that we were running at a particularly quick pace compared to normal. It was not that the weather was bad. It was not that we were running on unfamiliar terrain either. It was just me. I had a great break, but boy this run was showing me just how far my fitness had dropped away.

The thing is, I really needed a rest. After a hard seven months of training, a marathon, half marathon, various 10ks and multiple 5ks I wanted a break. I felt my body was beginning to break down a bit, there were times I felt under pressure (when I should have been enjoying myself) and there were even times where I began to dread (just a bit) some of my runs. This was not why I got into running a couple of years back.

So when I went off on holiday, I had really no intentions of doing much running at all. Just a few runs here and there to see a bit more of the various places we were visiting. And I made sure I did that. Jet-lag can have that effect on you., When you wake up in a new place and it is daylight, then why not get in a few miles before breakfast and get some extra sightseeing done.

I am not going to labour over where we went, but I was very lucky to get to run in Boston, Dubuque, Las Vegas and Hawaii. I even visited the Field of Dreams (see the featured picture at the top).

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However, that running was also combined with a few weeks of pretty solid eating, drinking and a fair bit of lounging around. Nothing wrong with that – surely that is the whole point of a holiday after all – but now I am struggling to come out the other end. I have put on weight and fear some of my old bad habits are returning. I am now fighting them off.

I think I had gotten used to my running being pretty routine. I would run up to five or even six times a week, easily averaging more than one hundred miles a month (sometimes much more but never really much less) so perhaps it was this taking stuff for granted that has risen up and bitten me this week.

” I thought this would help get me back into the groove. “

After Tuesday night’s bit of a shambles – though I did get through it and I began to feel a bit better later on in the run – I went back out on Thursday, but this time I joined a different group. In only two weeks’ time I am going to be running the Aberdeen Half Marathon, so I was keen to get some longer distances under my belt. The group went out aiming for around eight miles, but at an easier pace than the Tuesday night run, so I thought this would help get me back into the groove.

The firs few miles, however, even although they were flat or downhill still felt like I was running through treacle. I could not shift the feeling that my legs were weighted down, that my breathing was laboured, that every step was almost an ordeal to get through, that I was doubting whether I could make it to the end, knowing that we would have a tough uphil section (as always) to finish.

” I could feel the strength returning to my strides. “

The irony was, it was when we hit the hills for the last couple of miles of the run that I actually began to feel a bit better. It was almost as if the challenge of the hill gave me a lift and I could feel the strength returning to my strides. I ended up running almost bang on nine and a half miles, with the hilly stretch at the end being the part that I enjoyed the most. Weird.

Saturday morning was back to Parkrun at Aberdeen beach. This is almost always a windy run and given how poor the weather had been on Friday, I was rather staggered when I got up and saw it was dry and there was virtually no wind at all. Usually this would be a cue for me to make a PB attempt, taking advantage of the benign conditions but given how I have felt this week, there was no way that was going to happen.

So no heroics but just looking for a solid run, maybe give me a bit more confidence to build on from Thursday night. At the start I looked to see if there was a twenty five minute pacer, and I overheard someone say that there was and that they were going to aim to follow her. Well, off we went but could I see a pacer wearing the distinctive vest with the number on the back? No I could not. So I just followed the guy who I had heard say that there was as I reckoned that he too must be aiming for that kind of time.

When we got to halfway and turned to run back on the course I had never seen anyone who even looked like a pacer, then to my amazement as I came towards the three km mark I suddenly spotted the twenty five minute pacer about fifty metres ahead of me. How i had not seen her earlier will forever remain a mystery. I mean, I know I usually wear glasses byt my eyesight really is not that bad.

” I have now developed a new distraction technique”

Anyway, this proved to be a good target to aim for, though I have now developed a new distraction technique for running b”ack along the stretch of the beach in the second half of the Parkrun. I always used to just look straight ahead, always trying to spot the two parts of the run where there are small dips and then the final part where we turn left for the sprint to the finish. I found with that I was always desperately looking to find these marks and constantly trying to locate them meaning they seemed further away than ever. Now I have started looking at the groynes (no, not that kind) that stretch out from the beach into the sea. Doing that seems to me to make this part of the run a bit shorter than it seemed before.

As I got to within a couple of hundred metres to go, I passed the pacer and maintained my form to dip under the twenty five minute mark at twenty four minutes and fifty seconds. It was by no means easy, and I did think to myself “how the hell have I run this course in twenty three minutes and twenty seconds” given how hard I felt I was working during the run. I guess it all comes down to that slow build up of fitness levels to the point where you can challenge and push youself to achieve more than you have done before.

I certainly do not feel confident about the forthcoming half marathon. Not about doing the distance, that will be fine, but do I think I am in the shape I need to be in to beat my current PB of just under two hours? At this stage, definitely not. But maybe this is a positive thing. While it is good to push hard and to attempt to go faster in races, maybe this is a better time to go into a race with low expectations, see how I feel on the day, and just be happy in my performance, regardless of time. Given how bad I felt on Tuesday night, I think this could be the best approach for me. For this race anyway and perhaps taking that time pressure off will help me in the long run. There is always another race, there is not another me.