Picture This

Relief. Joy. Ecstasy. Belief. Trust. Endurance. Resilience. All of these emotions and more are captured in the photograph at the end of the Barcelona Marathon, my first race of the year.

A hard winter of training came to fruition on a warm day in early March in the Catalan capital as I set an eight minute PB on my second run over the 26.2 mile distance. And this one was very different to my first. It was a truly magical experience. It was also a very, vary hard run – no marathon is ever not – in weather which was too hot for me, but I came through it. I ran the whole way, which was my main goal, and did not stop until I came over the line in front of the fountains in the Plaza Espana. You can read the full blog of my experience that day here.

If Barcelona summed up joy, then this picture, as I approached the finish line of the Baker Hughes 10km race in Aberdeen at the start of May, sums up sheer guts. That feeling of running your heart out, pouring everything in to a race and this was me realising as I came to the line that not only was I about to set a personal best, but that I was about to beat it by about five minutes to far exceed any ambition that I had had before the start. I went in to the race hoping to get a time around fifty minutes. To cross the line at forty eight minutes and twenty eight seconds was beyond belief. It just goes to show what hard work can achieve, and you can read this blog here.

But running and racing is not just about times or achievements. It is at its best when it is about sharing the experience with friends and helping them achieve their goals. One of the things I have benefited from so much has been running with my JogScotland group – and at times, the people in the group helping me, or me helping one of them, when things are hard. This picture is of me and my good friend Rob, as we celebrated him completed his first half marathon, at Chester towards the end of May. This was a great day and brought home to me again the sheer joy of being part of something that was much bigger than what I was achieving that day. To be with Rob that weekend – having been with him when we ran his first 10km race last year – and get him up that final hill before the finishing straight was undoubtedly a running highlight. My blog on that experience is here.

If Chester was a highlight because of running with friends, then the day in June when I took on the Westhill 10km race just outside Aberdeen was a highlight for other reasons. Mainly because it was so flipping hard. Hot day, hilly course, but somehow I managed to drag myself round to get to the finish line at under fifty minutes once more. While I love the picture of me finishing at the Aberdeen 10km, this one is probably a more honest depiction of what running feels like for me. Tough. Very tough. The race also came after a night run along the runway at Aberdeen Airport with my daughter (she will not allow me to post a picture from that :-)) so it was not exactly ideal preparation shall we say. The blog on this experience is here

Another race on another hot day – this makes it sound like Aberdeen had a heatwave this year!! – was the Aberdeen half marathon. This was another race I ran with a friend, helping her to a PB on a difficult day but it was another medal to add to the collection and another half marathon under my belt. This blog is here.

If the Aberdeen half marathon was about the struggles of others, then the Great Scottish Run in Glasgow was all about my own struggles. Like the forty eight minutes and twenty eight seconds I recorded for the Aberdeen 10km race in May, I still cannot really believe I got under one hour fifty four minutes for the half marathon distance. The race was a tough one, a mental battle as much as a physical one, but that reslience I touched on at the start really came to the fore that day to keep me going through the toughest parts. I honestly do feel now, no matter how tough things are, that I have gone through tougher patches in races compared to the patch that I am in at that specific moment. Experience breeds confidence and there was no lack of guts invested in that run, which you can read about here.

From the warmest of weathers at the start of the year in Barcelona, my racing journey finished at Culloden near Inverness at the end of October. This was Scottish conditions in late Autumn in all their glory – squally showers, rain mixed with hail when it came and gusty winds. If you look closely, you can see how blotchy my legs are from the elements they had to endure that day! But again, I got through it. I did not manage to break fifty minutes on this race but I came pretty close. To even get close to fifty minutes is so far beyond what my ambitions were when I started running a couple of years back and this blog is here

So those were the races, but those do not tell the full story. The true story of any runner is not the races, it is that plus everything else. The races are just the bits of glory that you tack on to the end of months of hard work. The runs in the dark, in the wet, in the wind. The nights when the last thing you want to do is leave the house and go out. The early mornings when the warm bed smothers you and does not want to let you get up and out. That is why the races matter as well. It is the realisation that the sacrifices have been worth it. That you get out of the sport what you put in.

This year I run faster than I ever have before. I ran further than I ever have before. I have run every week – even in the week after the marathon where my legs were like concrete – and continue to meet great people though running. The fun, friendships and camaraderie of running. That is also what is about.

And the other thing I have also learned is that if you run the Barcelona Marathon in hot temperatures and are pouring water over yourself to keep cool, then wearing light blue shorts was perhaps not the greatest fashion idea I had ever had. Thank goodness you can crop pictures!!

Words

I found myself this week reading through a magazine. As I leafed through the pages I found waves of emotion pulsing over me. At one point, I began to well up, tears forming in my eyes as I stared at the page in front of me. The pages I was looking at? Ones that showed the route of the Barcelona Marathon.

As I looked at the route, memories began to flood back. How I felt at various points, what the sights were, the places on the course where I had seen my wife and the amazing feeling to see her near the finish line with only a few hundred metres to go, the crowds on the course and the encouragement they gave, the other runners I spoke to during the race, the start, the finish, the tough times. And it was like I was back there in the Catalan capital, so fresh were the feelings that were coursing through my veins.

This made me start to think, why did just looking at the pages of a magazine prompt so much emotion? How could something as simple as a route map showing the zig zag course that traversed the city centre from mile zero to mile twenty six point two provoke something so raw that I began to think I was going to burst into tears? This was the second time that this had happened in the past two weeks – the other time was when I was talking to a friend about the race. Just discussing the generosity of the crowds – the simple kindness of strangers to come out onto the streets to encourage people they have never met to help get them to the finish line – had me biting my lip to keep the emotion inside. As I write this now, I feel it so strongly once again.

I have done lots of running since Barcelona, and Barcelona was not even my first marathon. But while I am very proud of everything I have achieved over the past couple of years, nothing has affected me emotionally as that day on Sunday, March 10, 2019. I remember welling up during the race at various points as the crowds called out “venga, venga”, “animos” and “campiones”. This was something truly unforgettable. And of course, there is the sheer relief of finishing, of getting over the line, of ending that journey of hundreds of miles through the Scottish Autumn, Winter and early Spring and having that medal placed around my neck. My memories of those closing moments in the Plaza Espana are crystal clear and precious.

But it is not the finish line feeling that came over me when I was reading the magazine, nor when I was talking to my friend about the race. It was a true sense of feeling humbled by what I had gone through and how all of these other people reacted to the achievement of me and the other runners.

” it transcends that solitary experience and makes it a collective one. “

Marathon training and running is tough and is often solitary. No one is forcing you to do it, no one is dragging you out of bed to go and do a fifteen mile run on a freezing cold January morning – no one except you. So when you do experience something truly extraordinary – as I did on that day with those other thousands of runners – when people give up their time to come onto the streets to do what they can to help and get you to the finish line, it transcends that solitary experience and makes it a collective one. It has created space in my heart for an emotional reaction the likes of which I never believed the simple act of running a race could have created.

As I looked at the pages I could hear the crowd once more. The individuals who called out my name – their faces I could picture, their accents I could distinguish. For some reason, I distinctly recall hearing a young Irish woman call out “keep going, Craig” as I passed through towards the Arc de Triomphe. I think I recall her because it was so unexpected, almost surreal, to hear a Celtic accent in amongst all of the Catalans.

” nothing feels as tough as some of those times “

But the waves of emotion also reflect how hard it was and how I dealt with those times. I have had runs since which have had challenging moments, but when I feel that way I just recall that nothing feels as tough as some of those times during that Barcelona run. The positive emotions are about discovering what I was capable of, during difficult moments. About not giving in, about not stopping, about keeping going, about defeating that voice in my head that wanted me to give in to the desire to walk.

I am sure as time passes these emotions will fade but I do not want them to dim. I want to continue to recall things as vividly as I do today. I want to believe that for the rest of my days the sounds of those voices will still ring in my head and that the simple act of looking at a magazine will take me back to one of my greatest running days.

Running is straightforward. It is just putting one foot in front of the other. And for a marathon it is just a case of doing that for a long time. But the emotion is something else. That feeling. That sense of yourself. That intangible essence of achievement. And how the kindness of strangers helped get me through it. Magical. So intense it can bring you to tears.

Perfect Day

All I can see ahead of me is a sea of people moving. And we are all moving uphill. Many people are walking, but I am running. In the distance I can see a building with mirrored windows and I know that is where my wife is going to be standing waiting to see me. I have just past the 41km mark of the Barcelona Marathon. It is tough and things have been tough for a while. Then from the crowds lining the street a woman shouts encouragement, “Venga! Venga! Campiones!!” (Come on! Come on! Champions!!). In that moment, she gave me the encouragement I need to keep going up that hill. If one thing summed up Barcelona it was that moment. I well up just thinking about it.

Head down I plough on. It is very hot but luckily this street has a bit of shade. I pour another bottle of water over my head to keep cool, something I have been doing for about the past ninety minutes. I am aware that I am passing people, but also some people are passing me. As I get to the final, steep part of the hill, a runner goes down. So close to the finish, but as others help him, I carry on. I just need to get past this rise and I am almost there.

With a final effort I get over the brow of the hill and reach the flat part of the course. I raise my arms. I know I am going to be able to run a full marathon without stopping. I begin to recover from the effort and as I scan the crowd I spot my wife. I run over to high five her. I suddenly feel ecstatic. The man next to her high fives me as well. Only a few hundred metres to go now. I turn into Plaza Espana and look up at the two giant towers that straddle the entrance, the course is still rising but very gently.

The view looking towards the finish line

I try and focus. I want to drink in the experience, I need to remember this, I need to take it all in. I can see the finish line and the fountains beyond. I keep going, still overtaking people, as I reach the line I look at the clock, raise my hands and punch the air. It is over. I have done it. I am a two time marathon finisher. As I stop I almost stumble but I gather myself and I punch the air again. I have taken on what will be, for me, the ultimate physical challenge and I have done it. It is the most incredible feeling. Relief yes, but also euphoria.

(You can watch a short video of me running and finishing the race here. My bib number is 7262.)

Four and a half hours earlier I had been in the same place but heading in the opposite direction, full of nerves. I felt ready but anxious about what lay ahead. It was a beautiful, if slightly chilly morning as I headed towards the start line before 8am.

Even before the race began the sun was warming things up

We started before 9am, but even then it was clear that the early morning coolness was not going to last and it was going to be a warm day, warm even for the Catalan capital at this time of year. There was not a cloud in the sky as we walked toward the start line. The song, “Barcelona” by Freddie Mercury and Montserrat Caballe rang out as the confetti cannons fired and our wave began. The atmosphere among the runners was euphoric. As I reached the line, the song changed to an upbeat Spanish number which clearly all the locals knew as ninety per cent of the runners began singing and clapping along. Then we began to run.

I knew the early miles of the course were a slow climb towards Barcelona’s Nou Camp football stadium so I had always intended to take this part pretty easy, knowing of the greater challenges which lay later in the race. I crossed the line and in those opening miles quite a lot of runners went past me. After 5km I was in 12724th place, a number I will come back to later. For me this was a crucial part of the run and I made an important decision. I ignored them.

This was about me running my race, not being distracted by anything or anyone else. The race was marked in kilometres, with signs for miles only every five miles of the race. As someone who always paces in miles this did give me some other mathematical challenge to figure out on the way around.

“I was going to abandon my plan to aim for a time “

As I got to that five km mark I had already made another decision. I was going to abandon my plan to aim for a time around 4 hours 20 minutes and I was going to focus on maintaining an even pace and getting round safely. It was clear to me in those early miles – most of which were in the shade – that the day was going to be too hot to push things hard. After around ten miles the course would open up and the shade would be much less so this was going to get hot, certainly much hotter than anything I had been training in for the past four months through a Scottish winter.

The marathon route passed some of Barcelona’s most iconic sights

The course itself was pretty flat and took you round some of the city’s most iconic sites and there is no doubt that running along past the Gaudi designed Sagrida Familia Church was truly a special memory. As I came past there I ran past two Canadian women, running with special Canadian flag hats. We talked briefly then I carried on. The course had two sections which basically ran up and back, which was mentally hard as the runners only a few feet away were, in fact, miles ahead of me. The second of these, up the Diagonal, was particularly tough going as it seemed to stretch forever, but on I ploughed. This was also the section where all the runners had to move to one side to allow an ambulance past. There were physios tending to runners every so often as well at the side of the road as well. It was becoming very warm now but I was making good progress, the kilometres were ticking by.

“I would find it almost impossible to start running again”

From now until the end of the race, many people were walking. It was so tempting to join them, but I knew that if I did I would find it almost impossible to start running again. So I thought about some things. I thought about how much pain I had been in when I had done the Stirling Marathon in Scotland last year, and I knew that this time the pain was nothing like as severe. So I kept going. I thought about all the morning and evening training runs, particularly the ones with the JogScotland group as I got to 10km and less to go, a distance I had run hundreds of times, a distance I knew I could do. And I kept going. I thought about the runs I had done on my own, with no support. And I kept going.

“their words were replacing the energy I was losing.”

And then there was the crowds, which grew in size the further along the course we went. As we approached the Arc de Triomf the crowds really swelled and everyone was cheering and clapping. The race organisers also had bands playing almost every kilometre of the race, so that in sections where the crowds were thinner you still got the sense of people supporting you. But back to the crowds. “Vamos” they would shout. “Animos” they would shout. “Venga” they would shout. Every so often someone would shout my name as it was on my bib number. (I heard so many different Spanish pronunciations of Craig on the way around it brought a smile to my face every time). And it was almost like their words were replacing the energy I was losing. As we turned from the Arc de Triomf the road ahead resembled to me one of those stages in the Tour De France where the cyclists are just making a path through wall to wall people, there just seemed to me to be so many people on the road. And so I kept going.

5km to go now – just a Parkrun. As we headed back towards the seafront I could see the cruise ships. I knew there was not far to go. On towards 4km and the statue of Christopher Columbus came into view. This really gave me a boost and I gave myself a few “come ons!!” to push on. The statue was 3km from the finish. 3km. A distance I would regard as nothing on a normal day. But when you have run 39km it is not a normal day. This was a day unlike any other.

We passed the Columbus statue and turned to run up the Parallel. In previous years this was the finishing stretch, straight up the Parallel, a steady climb but I knew that this year the course had been changed to take out some of that taxing uphill section. However as I looked ahead I could not work out where we were going to turn. The hill looked like it went on forever. I had also hoped that this section would be in the shade but no, we were still in the sun. By now it was after 1pm and the temperature was around 20C. At every water stop for the previous 10km I had been drinking water then pouring the rest over me to keep cool, not something I had ever had to do in Aberdeen.

“My body had fought my mind and my body had won”

Then suddenly I saw the runners ahead were turning, turning into the shade and when we turned there was the final water station and I saw the 40km sign. I was almost there. I was still running. There was no way now I was going to walk. I had got through that tough part. My body had fought my mind and my body had won. The road was still going uphill and I was still overtaking others. I grabbed more water, drank some then dunked the rest over my head. I took my hat off in the shade to try and cool down, even just a little. And then I turned and I heard that cry of “Venga! Venga! Campiones!!”.

When I crossed the line I stopped my watch, but my phone had died on the way round so I had no idea what my time was. I did not care. Even though I had gone into the race with a specific time in mind, it did not matter to me anymore. I had done it. I had run a marathon, actually run it. And that means so much to me. I know this sounds stupid but I did not just want to be a marathon finisher, I wanted to prove to myself that I could run the full distance. No stopping. No walking. I am not criticising anyone who does. Just completing a marathon is an incredible achievement regardless of the time you take or the way you get from start to finish, but to me, inside, deep, deep inside, it was important to me to do it this way. Running is you against the distance. And on that day, in that city, I overcame the challenge I had set myself. My time? More than eight minutes faster than my previous best at 4hrs 30mins 23secs.

After finishing, the pain is quickly forgotten

Recovery started soon afterwards

The other statistic that I am really happy with is that I finished 10127th. But you need to bear in mind where I was after 5m. In the race I overtook almost 2600 other runners between the 5km mark and the finish. And I did it by maintaining that even pace, and though I slowed in the last 7km, others slowed more than me, so in the last 2km alone, I actually overtook more than 300 runners. Had I gone out quicker I would never have been able to stay at that pace for as long as I did.

Sticking to an even pace really paid dividends

So what now? Well this week, not unreasonably, I have not run at all. I went for a sports massage on Monday to help my recovery but I will not lie that I was pretty stiff for a few days afterwards, probably also not helped by a hugely busy work schedule involving four days of 4am/5am starts and travel to Madrid, Paris and Copenhagen. Plus the challenge of various flights of stairs along the way.

Downstairs is always worse than going up!!

I hope this weekend to make it out for a gentle run and am certainly planning to take my running stuff with me for a work trip to Paris and Lubljana in Slovenia this week. I have a 10k and a half marathon in May to get ready for after all.

Will I ever run another? At this point I am not thinking about another marathon race. The training for it is so demanding that I would need to have some serious motivation to take on that challenge once more. My focus for the rest of the year certainly is on a few 10km and half marathon runs.

“waves of emotion that keep sweeping over me”

What if Barcelona is to be my second and last ever marathon? I really doubt I will ever be able to beat the experience I had on Sunday. It is so hard to put into words the waves of emotion that keep sweeping over me. There have been times through this week I have been biting my lip and fighting back tears as I think back to various stages of the run, particularly the encouragement of strangers in the crowd. In fact, I found myself having to do that during the run itself, so overwhelming was the nature of the day. The course, the weather, the crowds. Amazing.

I know that the achievement will never mean as much to anyone else as it does to me. Not even close. And it means so much to me. The training. The not going out on a Saturday night because of the prospect of a Sunday long run. The fitting in the training around work and family life. The runs in the rain. The runs in the snow. The Parkrun PBs. The runs on Boxing Day and New Years Day. The runs in the dark. The runs with the JogScotland group. The runs when I have been abroad with work or on holiday. The easy runs. The tough runs. The runs when the last thing you wanted to do was run. The treadmill runs. The runs with friends. The marathon is all of that and more. And in one 26.2 mile course you pour all of that out into the effort to get yourself safely round. I am a marathon runner.

Though I will finish with one bit of advice. Be aware that if you are wearing light blue shorts and you pour water over yourself to stay cool during a race, then in all your post race photographs it will look like you have wet yourself!! Happy Running 🙂

The perils of mixing water with light blue shorts!!

Ready for the Floor

In order to look forward, sometimes it is important to look back. It is not about dwelling in the past, it is about reassurance. It’s about taking confidence in how far I have come and what I have already done. It has taken almost five months of work to get to this point. What I need to do now is to finish things off.

Barcelona was a marathon I chose almost by accident. After rejections from the ballot for both London and a half marathon in New York, I was looking for a race relatively early in the year so I had begun training really without knowing exactly which race I was going to end up doing. Edinburgh was in my thoughts but is not until the end of May. I could have done Stirling again, but I wanted another challenge and also a race I could just enter, without all of the uncertainty of hanging around waiting for the luck of the draw.

I guess the run that convinced me I was capable of doing another marathon was actually also in Spain. When I was working in Madrid in October, one of my friends was marathon training and asked if I could join him for at least part of his twenty mile (thirty two kilometre) final long run. I thought I could get up to half marathon distance then leave him to it, but the fact that I stuck it out and got through the whole thing really gave me the confidence I needed to sign up for the marathon challenge once more. And though I enjoyed running in Madrid, I saw that the marathon there (on the same day as London and Stirling) would be pretty hilly so I ruled it out.

After that run I began to get in the habit of a long run at weekends. I also joined a local running club – JogScotland – and that proved to be a great decision. Twice a week, running at a good pace between six and a half and seven miles, in addition to anything else I was doing, it really helped my build my weekly mileage. I was also lucky that through November to the end of January my work did not take me away too much so I was able to very closely follow the training plan I followed. This involved running five days a week and focusing on mileage rather than just time on my feet.

The miles gradually built. In November I went more than one hundred miles in a month for the first time. In December I went even further, almost making it to one hundred and fifty miles before illness around Christmas stopped my progress for a few days. In January, things peaked at almost one hundred and seventy five miles. Though I use Strava, I still enjoy filling out my online training record that I started with Great Run, and this week I have gone back to review my training through these months. I found it a real confidence boost to recognise how much work I have done. All those greens, all those days where I got out and got it done.

My January training log

After January, my mileage has come down slightly, with February being back to around one hundred and twenty five miles, partly due to another bout of illness, partly due to the start of tapering and, of course, it is a shorter month. But February also saw my longest run in the training programme of slightly more than twenty four miles; another major confidence boost. In my training I have run more than twenty miles four times. My plan for my race is to get to twenty miles in the best shape I can for the final push to twenty six point two.

Since that twenty four mile run, I have stuck religously to my training plan and have been winding down the miles and tapering. That meant a couple of runs last week. On Saturday morning I headed for my local Parkrun, which I ran with my friend Billy for the first time. I really enjoy running with company, I think because so much of my training is done on my own, and Saturday was the most beautiful day for some miles at Aberdeen beach.

Sunday was an eight mile run and I followed the same routine I have done for months now. Alarm set at 5.55am, up for breakfast, back to bed for half an hour or so, then out the door just before 7am. For the first time in months, it was light when I went out. I recall back in December and January where it was dark for around first ninety minutes of some of my runs so this was a real pleasure. Of course, with only eight miles to do, I was back home by 8.20am, a real contrast to the usual arrival time of between 10am and 11.15am depending on the distance. But I want to give tapering a good try this time around and while it is driving me slightly crazy by not running much, I definitely feel very well rested and strong when I have gone out this week.

After Sunday, it was only a couple of short runs during the week – of three and two miles respectively – just to keep my legs ticking over. I have been studying the weather forecast for Barcelona pretty closely recently (current forecast is sunny, gentle breeze and 18C) so knowing that I am in for a warm race I thought it was quite appropriate that my last run at home was on a dark, dank, wet night. This is what winter training for a spring marathon is all about.

Dark, misty and wet for my final training run at home before the race

And with that run done, there is very little left for me to do other than get to Barcelona. I have a short run, another couple of miles, planned for Saturday morning in Barcelona itself and then just the small matter of the actual race on Sunday morning. But while I have been reflecting this week I also found myself looking forward and signing up for two more races this year and a challenge in May.

One of the races will be with one my friends, as we have signed up to run the Chester Half Marathon in May. This will be my friend’s first half, so I am excited to help him round for that. In May I had already signed up for the Aberdeen 10k, so I decided that as I will be doing some significant mileage that I would also sign up to support the Miles for Mind Campaign being supported by the clothing group RUNR. This raises awareness of mental health issues during May and raises month for the mental health charity, Mind, so my miles that month will have a greater significance than just the races. I know how much better mentally I feel – as well as physically – from running regularly.

And the second race I signed up for is something really unusual. I travel a lot with work and spend a lot of time flying from Aberdeen Airport, so I have signed up to do the Runway Run. This is a nighttime race on the runway itself, and I am going to do it with my daughter. This is something I am really looking forward to in June. However, I also think part of the reason I have signed up to these challenges is about giving me something else to think about this week. It is so easy to be consumed totally about the upcoming marathon when it is only a few days away.

A nighttime run along the runway I have gone down hundreds of times

It is a weird feeling in the immediate run up to a marathon. It is very easy to begin to panic, to change your plans, to deviate from the things you have done over the months to get to this point. It is also the period where every tweak or twinge can feel like a near fatal injury and checking the weather forecast becomes frighteningly frequent (though I have come to realise that there is little point checking the forecast for Barcelona as basically every day is warm and sunny!!).

Naturally I am excited about running in such a great city with so many fantastic sights along the route, but I am also nervous about what lies ahead as the marathon is such a tough challenge. But I have done the work. I have done the training. I am in really good shape, much better shape physically and mentally much better prepared for what I am going to face than I was before the Stirling Marathon last year.

So all of that bodes well. But I am also realistic. I need to stick to my race plan, not get carried away on these easy, early miles and not go off too fast, buoyed by the crowds on the streets. I have to run my race. The race I have spent months preparing for. The race where I have also run in Madrid, in Orlando, in Helsinki and other cities where work has taken me. The race I have ran so many miles around Aberdeen in rain, in wind, in sleet and snow, in freezing fog, in the dark, in the cold and sometimes in the sunshine in preparation for this one day. All the hills around my house that I have run up and down. And all of that just to get me to the start line. To prepare me for the challenge that lies ahead. I am ready. Let’s get this done.

Hard to Explain

It has been a bit of an odd week. At times, I have struggled to get my head around what I am trying to achieve. At other times, my running has felt free and easy and my confidence has soared. I guess this is all part of it. The journey to the start line is perhaps the most difficult journey of all.

Marathon training is really, really tough. It is tough on your legs. It is tough on your life (to make the time to do it) and it is tough on your head. No point in sugar coating it. No point in trying to play it down, getting ready to run 26.2 miles is such a difficult thing to do.

I realise that if you have signed up for your first marathon and are maybe in the early weeks of preparing for one in Spring that this kind of message is perhaps not the thing that you want to hear. Bear in mind I am only speaking from my personal point of view – I have done one marathon and am training for a second – but I think it is important to be honest. I am quite far into my training now and it is has been hard at times this week to see the ultimate goal.

” you realise just how difficult this is actually going to be.”

There is always the thrill when you sign up for a race and the rush of enthusiasm when you begin your training journey, perhaps hooking up with others who have also taken on the challenge. But there is always a reality check. You get a training plan. You begin to get in the miles. You keep building the mileage. You keep doing the runs or the cross training or the workouts. And you realise just how difficult this is actually going to be.

At the moment I am right in the midst of all of this and though my training has been going well, my run last weekend gave me pause for thought about why I am doing this, and about whether I will ever do it again. My current mindset is that the marathon in Barcelona in March will be my last. This is not to say that I am going to stop running, not at all. It is just that the commitment required to run a marathon (and total kudos to anyone who goes longer and does trails) seems to me to be so overwhelming that I am just not sure that I want to do this again. It is one of the reasons that I have chosen not to enter the ballot for the New York Marathon later in the year. One marathon a year is definitely going to be enough.

On my plan for Sunday was an eighteen mile run, building on my seventeen mile run the weekend before. As the weather has turned a lot colder this week I was nervous in advance of the run as I was unsure how frosty it would be overnight and whether it would be risky to run on icy streets. I start my long runs at round 7am on Sunday morning, so ice in January is always a risk and after getting injured by falling when I prepared for my marathon last year, it is something that I am particularly wary of. As it was, it was a perfect morning when I set off. It was cold, but there was not much frost, and rather weirdly it preceded to get colder while I was out on the run itself.

” Getting things right in your head I guess is all part of the challenge.”

I am not really sure why, but there was just something about the run that did not feel right. Whether it was I felt I was struggling to set the right pace or whether it was trying NOT to look at my watch every mile to check how I was doing or whether it was attempting to do the run while taking less of the gels that I use, I just could not get comfortable. We all realise the physical test of the marathon, but this really brought home to me the mental side as well. Getting things right in your head I guess is all part of the experience. Well on Sunday, it sure as hell reared up as a mighty challenge for me.

It was a beautiful morning, but the run was so difficult to complete

I have written before about how I have developed resilience. I have written before about how I try and visualise things that might happen at various stages in the race and how I might overcome them. I have written about pushing through bad weather. This was something else. This was almost like I was doubting I was strong enough to do it. While I kept telling myself to take it easy, it never felt easy. When I did look at my watch my pacing was actually ok, but it never seemed that way. It was a sense of uneasiness about everything that pervaded the run.

“tired legs are one thing, a tired head is something else completely.”

When I got to around eleven miles, despite everything that was going on in my head, I decided to add some extra distance so by the time I came to the end of my run I had gone beyond the targeted eighteen miles, in fact I made it all the way up to twenty one. Coming at the end of a week where I had already run twenty five miles, I think that proved that tired legs are one thing, a tired head is something else completely and perhaps this was the most challenging aspect of all.

“I chose to push myself because I know the marathon will push me harder.”

The only good thing I felt I did during the run was that I did not shy away from it. I made the choices at various stages of the run to take the longer route, to run up the hill I could have avoided, to add the loop to get some extra distance, to not take the shortcut. It would have been the easiest thing in the world to stop short, to turn back, to tell myself that I could do the run another day. But I chose not to do that. I chose to do what I felt I needed to do in order to get me through it. I chose to push myself because I know the marathon will push me harder.

” I told myself that I would crawl up the hill rather than stop”

As the run went on, I went through various emotions and thought processes. I would try and focus on my breathing. I would think about my legs and how cold and heavy they felt. I would briefly feel ok, maybe for a mile or so, but then I would become anxious that I was running too fast, pushing too hard, knowing that I had a two mile climb to come at the end of the run itself and that I need to save something for that.

When I got to the climb I told myself that I would crawl up the hill rather than stop. Ironically, I ran past another group of runners, some of whom I knew, who were coming down and that provided a brief bit of positivity and distraction from what I was going through. Around six months ago I stopped wearing headphones and listening to music when I run. Sunday was the first time in months that I thought I could have done with having something going on to distract me from what the run itself.

“running is the purest form of sport – it is you and the distance.”

On all my long runs I run on my own. While I run with others at my JogScotland group and at Parkrun, the long training runs are a solitary affair. I am very used to it and quite happy with my own company and I guess in a way, that is what makes Sunday actually something that I am pleased about. I made the right choices for the task that faced me. I did not have anyone else telling me what to do, everything was down to me. I was the one pushing myself on. I think running is the purest form of sport – it is you and the distance. That is the marathon in a nutshell.

The course took me right around Aberdeen but was so tough to complete

After Sunday, I cannot say that I was looking forward to my other training this week, and this is where things became really weird. Despite how hard things had been on Sunday, when I went for my run with the group on Tuesday night I felt great. It was a quick run, six and half miles at sub-nine minute pace but I felt strong and confident throughout. There was no doubt about keeping up, about sticking with the others.

Wednesday night was the same. A slower, longer run of eight miles on a hilly route, but it was easy. I got to the end feeling like I had barely got going. My legs were fine, my breathing was controlled throughout, I powered up the hills and took it easy on the downhills. I could have gone much quicker than I did. That run took my past 200 km for the month and more than 2000m of climbing – targets I set myself for January – and this gave me another boost.

A chilly night with the moon peaking through the clouds but another good, solid run

Thursday night was back to the running group again, and once more the six and half miles was done with little fuss. It is hard to explain. It is almost as if I needed to get through the run on Sunday to make me realise two things. The first is to confirm how hard it is going to be. The second is that I am more than capable of doing it. The shorter, quicker runs this week have just confirmed, in fact, how strong I actually am. From doubt has come strength and confidence, and that has been totally unexpected.

Thirteen thousand people have signed up for the Barcelona Marathon so far and last year there were more than twenty thousand runners who started. The sheer fact that I got through Sunday then had such a good week has given me a lot to think about. I am sure many of the others training for Barcelona or any of the other Spring marathons also have moments of questioning their progress.

I am so glad I got to the end of that twenty one mile run and did not give up. I am so glad I have done my other runs this week. They have turned my attitude around from Sunday where I was quite down. If you are having worries just now, keep faith with your training. Keep pushing. Keep going. You can, and will, achieve your goal. Belief is such a powerful attribute, and it has taken me one really tough run to recognise that fact. Six weeks to go.

Accelerate

Spring marathons are made in winter. These were words that really resounded with me when I was training last year for the Stirling Marathon, and now, as we move into January and the fun of Christmas and New Year fades out of view, they resound even louder. Not only that, I am also attempting to find the optimum pace for the marathon run.

January can be a time, of course, for resolutions; a pledge to do something positive. As I mentioned last week, no new resolutions for me, but definitely a commitment to get stuck in to my training over the coming weeks. While I have built up a solid base with my work in November and December, it is what I do over the next eight weeks that will determine how things go on Sunday, March 10 in Barcelona, Spain.

“I am being particularly careful about how I am managing my running “

Generally, things are going well, except for the cold that is stubbornly refusing to shift. I have had it for more than two weeks now and while the initial sore throat has disappeared, a running nose and tickly cough persist. As someone who has been asthmatic all their life, I am very aware of how a cough can develop into something much worse, so I am being particularly careful about how I am managing my running. I have increased my dose of my regular asthma medicine, take my reliever inhaler when I need to and am wearing a buff, hat, gloves and layers when I run. My asthma is well controlled and does not really impact me on a day to day basis so I am very fortunate that I am still able to run when I am not 100%.

“it is crucial to keep going, to do the work now and not chase miles later”

While I took a few days off initially, I need to keep getting in the miles now in order to stick to my plan. I believe in being pragmatic – it is not as if I am any kind of pro at this – but I recognise that it is this spell that is so crucial to giving me the base to achieve the 26.2 distance. For anyone just starting out, or training for their first marathon, it is crucial to keep going, to do the work now and not chase miles later. Trust me, the run will be upon you quick enough, even though just now it may feel like it is a long time away.

I wrote last week about how I had got into a rhythm of running quite quickly on my shorter runs, and I had a half marathon distance training run planned for last weekend so I had decided that I was going to attempt to run this quite fast, faster than I am planning to run the marathon itself. However, as my cold has lingered, I was in two minds about how things would go.

Now perhaps it is just me, but I often find my running preparation for a long run goes like this:

• The night before – feel good and look forward to the run. Set out running stuff and breakfast to save time in the morning
• Overnight – do not sleep particularly well and definitely do not get as much sleep as I would have wanted
• The morning itself – wake up tired, drag myself up for breakfast thinking “why the hell am I doing this”
• Getting dressed – “why does my leg hurt?”, “what is that pain in my foot and ankle?”
• Getting ready to leave the house – “ok, I feel like crap and had terrible night’s sleep, let’s just take it easy, right?”

This would not exactly appear to be be ideal preparation would it, but it seems to happen to me so often I am beginning to think this is my new normal so I should better just get used to it, and I certainly felt like taking it easy when I left the house. It does not get light in Aberdeen at this time of year until around 8.45am and I was out of the house before 7.30am but it was a perfectly still, and very quiet morning. So much so, that the first few miles that got me into quite a quick rhythm, and that was where the problems started. Once I get into a rhythm on a run, I do find it quite difficult to get out of it, so even though my breathing was a bit laboured I ploughed on, only stopping once to take the lovely picture of King’s College Chapel at Aberdeen University that you can see at the start of my blog.

“I began to pay for it. It was a great reminder that in distance running, pacing is everything. “

By the time I got to about 7 miles I felt pretty good as that point represented the end of a long climb to almost the highest point of my run, followed by a downhill section. So on I went – and it was only when I looked at my run analysis afterwards did I realise that I threw in an 8 minute 30 second mile during this period. This is so much faster than around the 9 minute 30 second I was targeting for the run that it really was not sustainable. And I began to pay for it. It was a great reminder that in distance running, pacing is everything.

I made it all the way through to get to the half marathon distance in just over two hours and that convinced me of one thing – a sub-four hour marathon is really not on the cards for Barcelona. I know you should never say never – and my health is not really at its peak at the moment – but I need to be realistic. Getting around safely is goal number one. Aiming for around 4 hours 20 minutes is much more likely so we will stick to that plan.

The other thing I did this week was I did a bit of reflection. I do feel it is important at times to look back in order to look forward, and I did that by putting up the medal hanger my wife gave me for Christmas. I should point out that this is in my office so I will be the only person in the family that looks at it very much, but then every medal means so much more to me than it ever will to anybody else. Every one has special memories and enables me to acknowledge what I have achieved. I am not the quickest, I am not the fittest, I do not run the fastest, I do not run the furthest. I am me. I run and do my best. And that is good enough.

All of my running medals, with pride of place in the middle to my Stirling Marathon medal

There is one source of frustration though. As well as the medals I have received over the past couple of years of running, I also looked out some medals from back in 2002 and 2003 when I ran previously, but while I found some, I am missing a couple, including my one from the Great North Run in 2003. It must be somewhere in the house, but I am damned at the moment if I can track it down. I will have another look soon.

I also received my first medal of 2019 this week – though technically it was my last medal of 2018 – when the medal from my Run Up to Christmas Challenge came through. I made it all the way to get the 150km ribbon for the medal so this was my newest addition to the hanger collection.

The first of many, hopefully, of 2019

My regular running group, JogScotland, started back up this week after a break for the festive season and it has been great to get back out with them for my regular runs. I am building these sessions into my training plan, with an additional Wednesday night run as well. It is all just about churning out the miles right now.

Tuesday night with the group was a steady run of almost seven miles, Wednesday night was an attempt to run eight miles at ten minute pace – which I was not too far off at 9mins 51secs – plus it was great to finish a run and feel really fresh. Thursday night was another matter – too fast a start, too hilly an end – and seven miles that felt like a hell of a lot longer. Another reminder that getting the pacing right is just so important.

The big difference from the time for the first miles to the time for mile seven…..

This weekend, the mileage really begins to get serious, with a 17 mile run on the schedule and the mileage just continues to build. After this week’s pacing education, I plan to take this one quite easy and focus on time on my feet as opposed to time to the finish line. Eight weeks to go.

This Is The One

There reaches a point where you just need to go out and make something happen. After the disappointment of recent weeks and the rejection from London and New York, it was time to make a decision. So decide I did. Barcelona – you will have the pleasure of my company for your city marathon on March 10, 2019.

The whole Spring racing thing has been dancing around in my head for weeks. While I always knew it was a long shot to get in to London, I still really hoped that I would and then when I did not get in I was a bit lost about what to do. Ironically my motivation to run has been great lately, so even though I did not have a specific race in mind I was doing some serious mileage (for me anyway).

But I guess it was the rejection from the New York half that forced my hand. I am grateful to the various people on Twitter and elsewhere who reminded me that there are lots of great races out there that do not require going through a ballot process and that got me seriously looking to find the right race.

I had been very tempted to try the Edinburgh Marathon, but it does not take place until the end of May which just feels like an age away. I am in good shape just now and I want to build on that foundation. I have also managed to shed a few pounds since focusing a bit more on my diet as well which has given me a further boost. April was mostly ruled out because of work commitments so my focus turned to the early Spring months. I felt a run here in the UK might be disrupted by the weather and looked further afield so the second Sunday of March will be the day of my second ever marathon.

“marathons are not to be taken lightly and I am acutely aware of what lies ahead.”

I should also confess that the day after I signed up I definitely had a few “oh my god, what have I done??” moments when the reality struck home that I really was going to do another marathon. Even though I have confidence in getting through it, marathons are not to be taken lightly and I am acutely aware of what lies ahead.

After doing Stirling this year, I never really felt that I would never do another though my current train of thought is that Barcelona next year may be my last. Let’s see how the training goes though because I know just how tough it is to simply get to the start line.

” distance running is as much in my head as it is in my legs.”

After signing up and sorting out the flights and accommodation, then it was down to the hard stuff like getting a training plan and working out how that is going to fit in with my work schedule – never an easy task and one that does demand a degree of flexibility on my part. I learned this year that there is no point agonising over missed sessions or the days when you simply cannot make the scheduled distance. It is about fitting it in around life and work and doing the best I can. But I am already in a far better place than I was at this time last year, simply down to the amount of miles I already have in my legs plus, having done the marathon distance once, I know I am capable of doing it again. The psychological part of running really does play a huge part for me. I find that distance running is as much in my head as it is in my legs.

What has kept me going this week also has been another solid few days of running, thought it started pretty badly. I went to my local Parkrun on Saturday and got there to realise I have left my hat, my gloves, my phone and worst of all, my barcode at home!! I did the run anyway and was pretty happy with my unofficial time of just over 25 minutes. Given how much I forgot it was a bit of a miracle I got there at all!

“I am starting this particular marathon journey from a really positive position. ”

But after that shambolic performance things were much better come Sunday. I wanted to try out a new route and also to face down another of my running demons – a massive hill in Aberdeen that I have steadfastly avoided running up through all of my training. In the end it was not as bad as I had feared as I took my long run really easily and pretty comfortably got to more than fourteen miles. The key thing? At the end I felt strong, generally felt comfortable all the way round, and I was definitely in a position to run further if I had wanted. I am starting this particular marathon journey from a really positive position. On the downside my phone decided to die about two-thirds of the way around, making it look like I stopped about four miles from my house but at least my Fitbit kept me right for the distance and time. I know it was not fast but that was not the point. At this stage I want to build time on my feet.

After being at home for the past few weeks, I got back on the road in the past few days and was lucky enough to have a short trip to Berlin and was not going to let that pass without taking the chance to get in some miles and see some of the city’s most famous sights. Technology is such a great thing to enable me to just use my phone to plot out a route from the comfort of my hotel room!

My route took in some of Berlin’s main tourist attractions

My hotel basically bordered where the wall was near the historic centre of the city but in order to get the run done before going to work I did have to start pretty early.  So much so, it was dark for a fair chunk of it and was pitch black as I ran up to the Brandenburg Gate and then past the Reichstag Parliament building in the early part of the run. I was not too anxious about pace as I was stopping to take photos and there were so many roads to cross.

The Brandenburg Gate was only a mile into my run

I had wanted to see one of the few remaining sections of the wall that were left in place so made my way up towards the Berlin Wall Memorial, which was close to where the first sections of the wall were actually established in 1961. It is still really sobering when you see how stark the wall is, and the memorial area also has a watchtower so you get a real sense of how divided this city was for so many years.

My route criss-crossed what would have been the line separating East from West and after leaving the memorial I made my way to Checkpoint Charlie – one of the most famous crossing points between the American-occupied part of the city and the Russian controlled part.

After Checkpoint Charlie I headed to my hotel, taking my run up to just more than 10kms. The sun was beginning to come up as I neared the end of my route, which would not have been complete without getting slightly lost but I quickly realised where I was and managed to make it back ok.

When I reached the hotel I took this photograph. Basically I am standing where the wall was. To my right was East Berlin. To my left was West Berlin. But when the wall was here this was no-man’s land. This run was a reminder of how we should cherish the freedoms we have and how lucky I am to be able to visit and run in great cities like Berlin. Plus, if anyone is doing the marathon there later in the year I can confirm it is fantastically flat!

The grassy area in front was the location of the Berlin Wall

As I have signed up to the Run Up to Christmas Challenge I am keen to get in as many miles as possible, so after Berlin it was back home for my regular JogScotland run on Thursday night with the group – a nice and gentle 10k in around an hour. For Run Up to Christmas my target was 50k. I have done more than 50k already this week alone. I cannot wait to get to Barcelona. Twelve weeks and counting…..